Thursday, May 31

My predicament.

So I was at Costco with my sister earlier this evening, making one of our monthly stock-up-like-there-was-a-hurricane-coming grocery runs, and while we were nosing around the DVD pile I saw a girl who bore a striking resemblance to official hottie of Hey Jenny Slater and future ex-wife Melissa Theuriau. Striking enough to inspire a split-second of oh-my-God-is-that-her-without-makeup-and-if-so-what-the-fuck-is-she-doing-at-the-Hoover-Costco, at least. So here are my questions:

1. Should I have gone up to her and tried to somehow start a conversation? It looked like she was there with her mom or older sister or somebody, which kind of complicated things.

2. What would I say to her in a situation like that? I'm guessing "Wow, you really look like this French anchorwoman I think is really hot" would probably be a non-starter.

In case you're wondering what I actually did, the answer to those two questions is 1) nothing, and 2) nothing. But still, I'm curious as to what your suggestions would be in a scenario such as this, so that in the getting-hit-by-lightning-whilst-holding-a-winning-Mega-Millions-ticket minuscule chance that this ever happens again, I'll know what to do.


Anonymous said...

you say hello.

you say Hi my name's doug and I like politics and football, would you like to get lunch sometime?

you say that's really great perfume you're wearing, can I give you my number and we can go to dinner this weekend?

you say hello, I'm doug. If you're not busy this weekend, my friends and I are having a tailgater and it would be great if you could join us.

whatever it is you say, you say it with balls, you say it like you mean it, and you say it without any hint that you're afraid that she might say no.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Make eye contact and then run away.

Anonymous said...

If she is really that pretty she has heard every pick up line/ice breaker ever written. So look her straight in the eye, introduce yourself and tell her you think she looks like a French news anchor (good bet she hasn't heard that before).

Or ignore her and hit on her mom. Women (and men for that matter) always want what they can't have.

Meg said...

Zen Bubba, that trick really only works when you hit on their friends. Hitting on mothers is a bit off-putting.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Unless her mom is certified MILF.

Anonymous said...

1) The first part of what Zen Bubba said - tell her she looks like a French news anchor. That pays her a compliment (which she'll appreciate when she googles Melissa Theuriau later) and makes you look worldly and smart (because she's a news anchor rather than a swimsuit model).

2) The second part of what Zen Bubba said, sort of. Don't flirt with her mom, but don't invite her on a date right then and there. If she's that attractive, she's used to that, and her automatic response will be "Thanks, but no thanks." If you're slightly unavailable, it'll be a different approach than she's used to and she may be interested. Try to work something into the conversation about where you and your friends hang out all the time and mention that she should drop by sometime. Don't exchange numbers (unless it's her idea), but find some way that you can see her again for another conversation.

Anonymous said...

You should have written a note that said: "Do you like me? check yes or no: Yes No" and then had your sister give it to her and point you out.