Tuesday, July 6

Stay riveted to this blog tomorrow night, when I'll be live-blogging my laundry folding.

Normally I hate it when someone puts up a blog post or Twitter that's basically one long (or not-even-that-long) "I don't care about X," because seriously, get over yourself. There is no International Secret Brotherhood of Coolness, and they're not going to whisk you off to their secret lair in a cave under a mountain in the Swiss Alps and initiate you into their number because you wrote 1,000 words about how the World Cup or Pixar movies or house music are completely unworthy of your attention and that's soooo awesome.

Now then: That said, seriously, fuck Lebron James and his one-hour prime-time which-hat-am-I-gonna-pick special. And at least three-quarters-fuck ESPN for indulging him.

A whole hour? For what? Is Lebron gonna rap? Tell jokes? Is James Lipton going to interview him about what he was feeling while he was shooting all those Nike ads? I mean, Kobe Bryant is the poster child for everything that is rancidly selfish and ego-driven about the NBA -- which is most things about the NBA these days -- but even he didn't get an hour in prime-time to tell us he was gonna stay a Laker and not sign with the Clippers after all.

So yes, I'm breaking my cardinal rule and announcing to the world that I don't give one-tenth of a rat's ass which city will be slobbing King James' knob for the next four or five years or however long it turns out to be. The paintball episode of "Community" comes on at the exact same time -- you think I'm gonna miss that to watch Lebron's ego get even more inflated? And look, I didn't want to say it, but yes, this makes me more awesome than you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to some really obscure band you've never heard of.


Chuck said...

Man, I'm with you... but what else did you expect since this "moment" has been hyped and analyzed for about two years now? Simmons has a guy in 2009 who predicted the TV special.

So, I'd bump ESPN into full partnership with any vitrol this deserves. At least LBJ had the brains to try to minimize the ego-focus of this fiasco by requesting/requiring a revenue kickback to the boys and girls club.

Good news- it'll all be over on Thursday. And then we can get back to not watching baseball, mocking soccer, and waiting for college football season.

The Casey said...

Thing is, you know Brett Favre heard about this and got furious he didn't think of it first.

NCT said...

But don't we all want to know what Lebron's favorite curse word is?

Holly said...

To be fair, your laundry-folding sessions can get pretty intense.

Berryfine said...

Amen on this one. I haven't cared from day one except in a passing, wonder what will happen kind of way. On another note, that episode of Community is a great one. I, too, shall watch it.

Universal Remonster said...

Don't lie Doug. When you say "some really obscure band" you mean the Pet Shop Boys.

Zen Bubba said...

Ahem.... actually there is a "International Secret Brotherhood of Coolness", it's just that your application came up a bit short. Sorry to have to tell you like this.

Well, this is awkward,.. cya!