This week's +5: Five Lines I've Always Wanted To Use On Somebody. As you'll see, these are useful only in a very narrow set of circumstances, but hopefully I'll get to use them one of these days.
"My business is pleasure."
I've always wanted to say this to someone at, like, an airport or something, but the problem is the only people who ask the business-or-pleasure question anymore are customs agents, and they probably wouldn't find this answer funny.
"Fuck You. That's my name."
I think this one was originally uttered by Alec Baldwin in the movie "Glengarry Glen Ross." I may actually get the opportunity to use this on my landlord before too long.
"Here. Go buy yourself something pretty."
Preferably spoken to a concierge or cocktail waitress in Vegas right after I've tossed her a $1,000 chip. If I ever get one of those -- or have $1,000 cash at my disposal at any given moment -- I'll be sure to let you know.
"Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends -- because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors, and I don't even give my best friends head, so your chances of getting a favor are pretty fucking slim."
Originally used by Timothy Olyphant's drug-dealer character in the underrated movie "Go." This is another one I may actually get a chance to use in the near future.
"No, YOU'RE out of order!"
I've never been called as a witness in a court case, but if I ever do, I hope I get to yell this from either the gallery or, better yet, the witness stand. I think it'd be worth a $100 contempt charge.
And now the Ten:
1. 3rd Bass, "Product of the Environment"
2. Nine Inch Nails, "Ruiner"
3. Jane's Addiction, "Been Caught Stealing"
4. Charles Mingus, "II BS"
5. Robert Palmer, "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On"
6. Helmet and House of Pain, "Just Another Victim"
7. New Order, "60 Miles an Hour"
8. Johnny Cash, "The Long Black Veil"
9. Sting, "Fragile"
10. Pet Shop Boys, "London" (Genuine Piano mix)
Your own Random Tens, and the lines you've always wanted to whip out on somebody, in the comments.