So let's recap: This weekend, Georgia lost to a perennial bottom-feeder in the SEC; UAB lost to a perennial bottom-feeder in . . . well, pretty much any conference you could conceivably put them in; struggling Virginia built a 20-0 lead on Maryland, then found a way to lose anyway; the Redskins lost to a Titans team that hadn't won a game all year; the Falcons went up 14-3 in the third quarter, then lost anyway. Even my fantasy team is in the process of getting drilled . . .
Yeah, I fucking hate this game.
I hate you. I don't even know you, but I hate you. I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only to you.
So with that in mind, in lieu of actual commentary on my Blogpoll rankings, I'm just gonna hate on a bunch of teams. Yep, it's time for the Player Haters' Ball, bitches.
Games watched: Vanderbilt-Georgia and Auburn-Florida. Sorry, I kind of lost my appetite after the first one.
1. Vanderbilt (last week: not ranked)
I'm only kidding, of course.
1. Ohio State (last week: 1)
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go put some water in Jim Tressel's momma's dish.
2. Michigan (3)
3. Tennessee (4)
What can I say about Knoxville that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan -- it looks bombed-out and depleted.
4. Texas (5)
5. Southern Cal (6)
I wish I had more hands . . . so I could give that offense fo' thumbs down.
6. California (7)
7. Arkansas (13)
Mitch Mustain ain't shit. There, I said it! It's all the running game! And no, I don't honestly think they're the seventh-best team in the country, but I can't find anybody they really deserve to be placed under except for USC.
8. Auburn (14)
9. Florida (2)
Tell your little friends that dreams really do come true -- Auburn came and saw you and whupped your monkey ass at some football!
10. Louisville (8)
11. West Virginia (9)
12. Clemson (10)
You beat Temple. Whaddaya want, a frickin' medal?
13. Notre Dame (11)
14. LSU (12)
15. Boise State (16)
16. Oregon (17)
Nice job, Ducks, but you ain't fooling me again. It was quite obviously the Cheerleader Curse, not Oregon, who beat UCLA.
17. Georgia Tech (19)
18. Oklahoma (18)
They hold their spot because they won convincingly over ISU, but we all know they're pretty much fucked without Adrian Peterson.
19. Wisconsin (23)
20. Rutgers (25)
OK, Rutgers is the one team I can't hate on. How can you hate on Rutgers, for crying out loud? I don't know if you've seen Navy lately, but holding them to 150 yards rushing is pretty hard to do. Scarlet Knights for Big East champs!
21. Wake Forest (NR/26)
22. Boston College (NR)
Sorry you didn't beat Virginia Tech until everyone already figured out they sucked.
23. Nebraska (24)
24. Iowa (15)
Thank you, Hawkeyes, for doing something that is technically more embarrassing than losing to Vanderbilt.
25. Texas A&M (NR)
Ugh. Between the bogus military posturing, the douchebag head coach, and the mindless, inexplicable homoeroticism, I really feel icky ranking these 'tards . . . but they did beat Mizzou. Don't worry, it won't last.
The next five: Missouri, Penn State, Virginia Tech, Purdue, Georgia.
Dropped out: Missouri (20), Virginia Tech (21), Georgia (22).