For a brief, shining moment, I, too, was a bad mutha (shut yo' mouth).

Above: complicated man.

This morning I had to run a magazine proof over to one of my clients -- a semi-urgent errand, I guess, but nothing remotely difficult, controversial, or dangerous -- so I picked up my iPod in preparation for the walk down 8th Avenue, put my headphones in, and hit "Shuffle Songs." The first song that came up? The theme song from "Shaft," by Isaac Hayes.

It's really amazing how the theme song from "Shaft" can completely transform whatever you happening to be doing at the time. Everything becomes braver, more dangerous, more urgent. You feel cooler than you usually do. There's more swagger in your step. For those four minutes, you really do feel like a black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks. You are a complicated man, whom no one understands but your woman. (In my case, of course, not having a woman, I am merely complicated man, period, end of sentence.) It's fun.

Like heavy bass, cheerleaders, and bacon, the theme song from "Shaft" improves pretty much anything you could think about adding it to. I feel it is important to salute Isaac Hayes for this. He's been through a lot lately, what with the stroke and the "South Park" dustup and the controversy over statements made on his behalf by Scientology; Scientology may be a crock of poo, but I don't want to let that detract from the awesomeness of Isaac Hayes in any way. For creating this day-transforming song, not to mention giving the wah-wah guitar a shining moment in the sun that has yet to be surpassed or even duplicated, I salute you, sir.