I was treated to two pieces of bad news this morning, the first being that my homeboys from Slovakia had gotten whacked by the Czech Republic in ice hockey yesterday, thus ending their surprise run for the gold medal; the second was that my granddad, 91 years old but still able to throw hay bales off the backs of trucks on his farm in Virginia, had had what may have been a mini-stroke and was in the hospital.
So anyway, I was in desperate need of some good news, and I got some, or at least a Velveeta good-news-like substance, when I was informed that this site is now the #9 result for "Monica Pang" on Google. Monica Pang being the UGA alumna and Miss Georgia who should've been Miss America this year. Now, if you click on that 9th-ranked return, you get this post, which tells the maybe somewhat mildly entertaining story of how Monica Pang actually left a comment on an earlier post I'd done about going to the Miss Georgia throwdown with a college friend of mine. Well, in a curious case of history repeating itself, Monica left a comment at the more recent post, too -- one in which she claims to be down for a Hey Jenny Slater interview. (For the time being I'm going to make an ass out of u and me and assume this was actually her and not Josh or my sister trying to have one over on me.) You will recall, or maybe you won't, that I had made a Hail Mary attempt to swing one of these with her shortly before the Miss America pageant.
So anyway, Pang, here's the question -- how 'bout it? If you think you can stand being peppered with questions about vitally important matters such as Georgia football, downtown Athens' best drinking spots, what sorts of horrible things you did in Vegas, and how you found your way here in the first place -- I still think it was by way of a little auto-Googling to see if any of the other Miss Georgia contestants were taking shots at you online, but you're welcome to refute that if you like -- e-mail this address and we'll get the ball rolling. I promise to keep the profanity to a bare minimum, as long as you do the same. Oh, and I also want to know if there's any truth to the rumor that you're planning on parlaying your pageant success into cutting a hard-core gangsta rap album later on this year. 'Cause I think that's a really awesome, genre-bending idea -- just don't start any beefs with 50 Cent. That dude has been shot, like, nine times.
If you can stomach the thought of doing it face-to-face, I'll even let you pick the venue -- over donuts at Krispy Kreme? Beers at any of Athens' fine drinking establishments? Either way is fine. (What am I saying -- both ways are fine. I've been known to sit in front of ESPN on an autumn Saturday with a donut in one hand and a Miller High Life in the other, so clearly, I'm down for whatever.)
Ball's in your court . . . but just so you know, I ran into Miss Oklahoma the other day and she said you totally wouldn't have the balls to do this. Oh, snap. You gonna take that from her?