Friday, November 26

The Friday Random Ten+5 is back, and it can't dance.

I know the Friday Random Ten+5 has been absent for a few weeks, and it's mainly because I just couldn't come up with any good ideas for +5s -- but a conversation I had with Holly the other day gave me one. We'll talk periodically about what we might plan, wedding-wise, if we ever decide to pull the trigger on this thing, and mainly it's just us coming up with outlandish ideas such as a Super Mario Brothers-themed ceremony where she comes down the aisle dressed like Bowser. (Her idea, not mine, which just makes it that much more awesome.) But we were talking about ideas for what song to play at our first dance, and we came up with some doozies. Hence, the Friday Randomness returns with Five Unbelievably Inappropriate Songs To Play As The First Dance At Our Wedding Reception.

Wu-Tang Clan, "Shame on a Nigga"
This is the song that inspired the entire conversation, and we've talked about it enough at this point that the chances we actually do it are probably right around 50-50. Which will make our parents so very proud of us, I'm sure.

Dead Kennedys, "Too Drunk to Fuck"
This would be appropriate since it describes quite a few people at the end of a wedding reception anyway. You go there to pick up some bridesmaids, you dance, you drink, and by the end of the evening you're in no position to do anything but puke on your nice clothes and cry in a cab on the way home. Or maybe that's just me.

Wham!, "Careless Whisper"
Hits the inappropriateness trifecta: references to infidelity, references to dancing . . . and five minutes' worth of pure, uncut, Colombian '80s cheese. Including '80s saxophone, which could make even "The Star-Spangled Banner" sound goofy.

Josh Groban, "You Raise Me Up"
I'm not including a YouTube here because this song is so godawful I can't even stand to have it on my blog. Yes, it's much worse than "Careless Whisper." Most of Groban's catalogue, if this song is any indication, makes "Careless Whisper" look like "Smells Like Teen Spirit." And to my ears, at least, it's way more offensive than "Too Drunk to Fuck." If we played this as our first dance, we'd have to play "Too Drunk to Fuck" or maybe Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" immediately afterward, just to demonstrate to everyone we didn't really mean it.

Nirvana/Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine, "Rape Me"
Pretty self-explanatory, no? It's either this or the Beastie Boys' "Girls."

And now the Ten, whose appropriateness cannot be verified in advance:

1. Pet Shop Boys, "K-Hole"
2. Johnny Cash, "Give My Love to Rose"
3. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Scartissue"
4. Pet Shop Boys, "Vampires"
5. Nanci Griffith, "I Don't Want to Talk About Love"
6. Tito Puente, "Mambo Gallego" (remix)
7. Fatboy Slim, "Going Out of My Head"
8. Underworld, "Ring Road"
9. Moby, "Bodyrock"
10. U.N.K.L.E., "Logan's Run"

Please welcome back the Ten+5 by putting your own Random Tens, and your ideas for utterly horrible wedding-reception numbers, in the comments.


Joel said...

My nomination is "Ain't No Fun (If the Homies Can't Have None)"

While it wasn't their first dance, a friend of mine not only played it at their wedding, but sang it karaoke style

Ollllddude said...

Well, one thing about it is that whatever you choose, the video of the reception will go viral on Youtube in minutes. Maybe fifteen minutes.

Tracer Bullet said...

Face Down, Ass Up. Two Live Crew.
Fuck the Pain Away. Peaches
Pussy Control. Prince.
World's Biggest Dick. NWA.
I Hate Everything About You. Ugly Kid Joe.
I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her). Guns 'n' Roses.

Kristen said...

I was actually AT a wedding where Kanye West's "Golddigger" was played at the reception.

Universal Remonster said...

I also support "Pussy Control" by Prince. Or "Sexy Motherfucker." Dammit, any Prince song would work.

Edward said...

Someone asked me the same question yesterday so reminded me to come back to it.

Lesley Gore, "You Don't Own Me"
Naughty by Nature, "O.P.P."
George Jones, "He Stopped Loving Her Today"
The Crystals, "He Hit Me (It Felt like a Kiss)"
Dr. Dre, "Bitches Ain't Shit"