I know the next Olympics are still a year away, but I was in a conversation the other night about sports or other activities that should be Olympic events, so that's what you get this week: Five Events That Should Be Added To The Next Olympics.
This was the suggested event that got the whole conversation started, if memory serves. Scoff if you want, but there's a lot of athletic ability involved here, as the above video should demonstrate. And like, say, figure skating, it could involve points for compulsory moves (the spin, the slide down the pole, the hanging headstand) as well as artistic merit. Presumably the costumes would be excellent. And if it takes off, you could even add pairs or synchronized pole dancing down the road.
In theory, the biathlon at the Winter Olympics should be awesome: Contestants go skiing off through the woods, stop, and then bust out rifles and start shooting at stuff. It sounds like the opening to a James Bond film. But in actual practice, it's pretty boring, as they're just standing still and firing at paper targets. Laser tag wouldn't involve live ammo, obviously, but it would add that element of exciting that the biathlon is sorely lacking, as all of the athletes in a given heat would be shooting at each other. Last man standing in a each preliminary heat advances to the finals, and then the last man standing in that competition gets the gold. I mean, I'd watch -- maybe not as intently as the pole-dancing competition, but I'd still watch.
After watching the Vince Vaughn/Ben Stiller movie from a few years back, the question I was asking was, why don't we have this as a major team sport, in the Olympics or anywhere else? I guess you'd really have to make sure your steroid testing is top-notch, though.
A no-brainer, clearly. If the rest of the world gets to have their version of football in the Olympics, then we should be able to have our dramatically more awesome version. It's the greatest sport in the history of mankind, of course, and one in which Team USA would dominate on a regular basis, but there's another reason this is a needed addition to the Olympic canon: It would give American football fans the chance to prove once and for all that they can be just as loud, drunk, and obnoxious as football fans from soccer-hooligan powerhouses like England and Germany. (Actually, "football hooliganism" wouldn't be a bad addition as an Olympic sport, either, at least as an exhibition.)
Lots of potential for both athleticism and artistic interpretation here, too, and you could even have a separate group competition where teams would try to do stuff like this. Points would be deducted for not sticking your landing and for your parachute not opening -- which sounds cruel, I know, but an athlete's equipment is his own responsibility.
And now the Ten:
1. Living Colour, "Glamour Boys"
2. The Pixies, "Hey"
3. A Tribe Called Quest, "4 Moms"
4. Ice Cube, "Now I Gotta Wet 'Cha"
5. Pet Shop Boys, "Minimal" (M-Factor mix)
6. Primal Scream, "Movin' On Up"
7. David Holmes, "Hey Lisa"
8. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, "You & Me & the Bottle Makes 3 Tonight (Baby)"
9. Pet Shop Boys, "A Different Point of View"
10. Basement Jaxx, "Jump 'n' Shout"
Happy Friday folks. Put your own Tens and/or suggestions for Olympic additions in the comments.