Shakedown 1978.

You're probably already aware of this, but readers, history has been made today -- on this spring day, I hit the big three-oh, the point at which youth ends and the long, slow slide into irrelevance begins. (What, you thought I was talking about a brother clinching the Democratic nomination? OK, I guess that's pretty historic too.)

It's only a matter of time now before I start looking for ways to get more fiber in my diet and complaining about "the rap music," but fortunately I don't have to go through this alone. It turns out there are a ton of people turning 30 this year, some of whom would seem to prove that there is, in fact, life after death (metaphorically speaking, of course). So sit back and crank up Boyz II Men's "End of the Road" as you peruse the following list:


Pro Bowl wide receiver Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson (January 9).


"Punk'd" creator and MILF hunter Ashton Kutcher (February 7).


Supermodel Josie Maran (May 8).


Supermodel Laetitia Casta (May 11).


Disgruntled Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher (May 22).


"Entertainment Tonight" presenter Maria Menounos (June 8).


Georgia Bulldog and greatest cover corner in the history of ever Roland "Champ" Bailey (June 19).


Actor Topher Grace (July 12).


My ex-lover, French TV journalist Melissa Theuriau (July 18).


Sports Illustrated swimsuit regular and Victoria's Secret angel Marisa Miller (August 6).


NBA MVP and Japanese beef namesake Kobe Bryant (August 23).


"Knocked Up" actress Katherine Heigl (November 24).


"Amores Perros"/"Babel" star Gael Garcia Bernal (November 30).


Canadian triple threat (model/actress/synchronized swimmer) Estella Warren (December 23).

So I guess it could be worse. We're all in this together.