The question is not "Do you want your face rocked off?", it's "How hard and how fast?"

I was at a Shell station in Orlando, waiting to purchase a bottle of red Powerade that I had deliberately selected over Gatorade to piss off the Florida fans in the immediate area -- it is the reddest-tasting red sports drink available in America today, and don't let them tell you otherwise -- when I saw this:



My heart went pitter-pat just at the sight of the words "COLLEGE FOOTBALL" in hundred-and-something-point type on the cover of a publication I had not yet seen, but when I saw that the dude who'd been given the honor of gracing the cover was Knowshon Moreno -- the namesake of my firstborn child, as anyone who's recently seen my Facebook page knows, and yes, even if it's a girl -- I'm not gonna lie to you, I may have made a bit of a spectacle of myself. One you might even describe as "girlish." But anyway, I thought you should know.

Two more months. Don't know how I'm gonna make it.