The NFL-watching demographic and the erectile-dysfunction-medication-buying demographic share a fair chunk of people, so when you sit around watching NFL playoff games -- as I've been pretty much all afternoon -- you get subjected to a lot of boner-pill ads. I'm going to try to not even get started on the execrable "Viva Viagra" ad, but there's a different product whose ad campaign really has me scratching my head. No, not that head, you sick bastard. Let me put it to you this way: Can anyone tell me what's alike about all three of these ads, other than the product they're selling?
Did you catch it? That's right, every single ad ends with a variation on this:
Look, I don't begrudge middle-aged dudes their boners. Just because I'm currently not having much luck finding anyone to fuck me doesn't mean I think everyone should be denied the privilege. But have any of y'all ever dragged two bathtubs out into the backyard and sat in them? Why would anyone do that? And how is two people in separate bathtubs supposed to connote sexual intercourse? If these guys are really that excited about their ability to get it up again, shouldn't they be hopping into their wives' bathtubs?
And why does that leitmotif show up in every single Cialis ad? It's like their version of the Aflac duck now; they wouldn't put it in every last one of their ads if they didn't want people to look at Cialis and go, "Oh, yeah, that's the sitting-in-separate-bathtubs boner pill." I know that nothing ever pops up in a television advertisement by accident -- they're brainstormed and storyboarded and focused-group to death -- so there's got to be some reason, on either a conscious or subliminal level, that the Cialis folks expect us to respond to the two-bathtubs thing. Can anybody out there tell me what it is? And is that all I have to look forward to when I turn 50 -- sitting in the backyard like some jagoff, separated from my wife/mistress/significant other by two layers of porcelain? That sucks. I thought a mid-life crisis was supposed to entail a new haircut, a 21-year-old girlfriend, and a Corvette; if fucking bathtubs is all I have to look forward to, I don't see why I should even bother.