But, ahem, like I said, the Christmas season is now official, and it being November 30 and all, that's fine with me. I'm even going to give a helping hand to all you folks out there who were scratching your heads wondering what to get me. Herewith, the Five Potential Christmas Presents Of Varying Degrees Of Feasibility That You Can Get Me This Year (With Alternates):
A pair of red pants (about $75; I honestly have no idea)
The day you put on your first pair of red slacks is the day you know you have truly advanced into a new echelon of Georgia fandom; I guess it's kind of like when a Florida fan leaves his cutoff Wrangler jean shorts in the drawer and puts on his Abercrombie jean shorts. Yet as many pairs of red pants as I see on the Georgia campus on any given gameday, I haven't been able to actually find any in a store. My friend Kristen, who lives up in Maryland, has been looking for a pair for me for ages; "I live in a town that has a haberdasher. That's what the sign says, haberdasher," she once told me, "and they didn't have any." So if you can find a pair for me, you will be my hero. I can supply the requisite black polo shirt on my own.
Alternate idea: A "blackout" T-shirt from the Auburn game ($19)
Minichamps 1/18-scale Bentley Flying Spur ($220)
There's a dude in town who has the 1/1 version of this; I figure I'll never actually be able to own something like that, but I'm perfectly happy to settle for the scaled-down version. I don't know if they've actually shipped any of these to the U.S. yet, so you may have to go through a European distributor, but being a nice guy I'm happy to give you a hand with that.
Alternate idea: A 1/18-scale Bentley Continental GT, the two-door version ($160)
Panasonic TH42PX75U 42" plasma TV ($1,400)
Unlike a lot of guys, I don't try to compete with my dad all that much; given that he's a successful physician with a happy 35-year marriage and I'm a schlub middle-manager with a bachelor's degree who's never been able to keep a relationship going for longer than three months, it'd almost certainly be wasted effort on my part. So just because Pops went out and got a 50-inch plasma TV right before the Georgia game earlier this fall doesn't mean I feel a burning need to show him up by going one size bigger, or even matching him inch for inch (ugh, that sounded gross); I'm perfectly happy to settle for the 42-incher.
Alternate idea: The TC-32LX70 32" high-def LCD model ($900)
Two tickets to the Rose or Orange Bowl ($135/each, face)
That's it -- you come up with the tickets, I'll figure out how to get to Miami or Pasadena. If push comes to shove I figure I can always hitchhike; I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before some hot cougar pulls up in her ex-husband's Mercedes and agrees to drive me cross-country in exchange for nothing more than sexual favors. That's how it always happens in the movies, at least.
Alternate idea: One ticket
Alternate alternate idea: One of the two girls in that picture
Lego Ultimate Collector's Edition Millennium Falcon ($500)
Yeah, I know, I'm a dork, but the way I figure it is, everybody should have at least one toy they loved as a child that they carry over into adulthood, and Legos are mine. This thing is nearly three feet long and has more than 5,000 pieces; the instruction book alone weighs nearly four pounds. The possible downside, of course, is that I'd be so busy putting this thing together I'd go on a blogging hiatus that could potentially extend for weeks. (For y'all, of course, that may the biggest reason to get me one.)
Alternate idea: Imperial Star Destroyer ($100)
So now you've got something to work on. Good luck! And here's the Ten:
1. Public Enemy, "Night of the Living Baseheads"
2. Nine Inch Nails, "I Do Not Want This"
3. U2, "Endless Deep"
4. James Brown, "Talking Loud and Saying Nothing"
5. Depeche Mode, "Waiting for the Night"
6. Air, "Remember"
7. Falco, "Rock Me Amadeus"
8. Morrissey, "I'm Not Sorry"
9. Pet Shop Boys, "Time On My Hands"
10. The Chemical Brothers, "Setting Sun"
Your own Random Tens and Christmas