Paris Hilton reportedly ordered her helicopter pilot to make an emergency landing on a German farm -- so she could use the toilet.
The "Pledge This" actress was said to be touring the European country when she made the surprise request.
Paris even got her security to stop the family from entering their own bathroom so she could relieve herself in peace.
A source told Britain's More magazine: "She gave the farmer a bit of a shock. Her bouncers even blocked the farm door so the family couldn't go inside their own house while she was using the loo."
The star then allegedly spent another ten minutes on the startled farmer's porch, so she could smoke a cigarette.
The unnamed farmer said: "She was cold as a fish, and cursed about the weather."
What can we extrapolate from this? Well . . .
1. Paris Hilton is apparently capable of whining enough to get a pilot to land a helicopter just so that she can use the loo, which she should've done before they frickin' left.
2. After imposing upon this stunned farmer, she won't even let the family go inside their own house while she goes.
2a. Which leads me to suspect she was taking a really hellacious number two in there, which goes against pretty much everything Paris Hilton wants you to think about her, and in a most humorous way. Remember this the next time Paris cops one of those "my shit doesn't stink" attitudes in public.
3. After taking this apparently hurricane-force dump that forced an entire family out of the house, Paris didn't even exercise enough shame to get the hell out of there ASAP, but instead imposed upon these poor people for another ten minutes so that she could smoke.
The verdict? Dipshit. (Congratulations, Republican Party, this is the kind of person for whom you're trying to repeal the estate tax.)
You know, my grandfather has a cattle farm right across Route 2 from Fort A.P. Hill, and he's got Blackhawks and CH-53s landing in his fields all the time. Detko will turn 92 years old this fall and still gets up at 5 in the morning to feed the cows, and I really wonder what would've happened had Paris Hilton landed her chopper in his alfalfa field, marched up to his front door, and ordered him out of his own house while she dropped anchor.
I don't know what he would've done exactly, but I do know he's got two shotguns, and I know where he keeps 'em. I'm just sayin'.