Manic-Depressive Preview: Servin' up a little bile and condescension for Thanksgiving.

The Manic-Depressive Previewers have had a week off to lick their wounds from the Auburn game -- well, Depressive Doug licked his wounds, Manic Doug got blazing drunk and loudly predicted to anyone who would listen how it's only a matter of time before Cam Newton gets declared ineligible and the NCAA blasts Auburn's football program back into the leather-helmet era. Either way, though, they've had some time off and are now tanned, rested, and ready to go full speed ahead for this weekend's clash of the titans -- or, perhaps more accurately, clash of the Titanics? -- between Georgia and Georgia Tech this weekend.

Manic Doug: Woohoooo!!!! Time for some Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, bro! Man, this is always my favorite time of the season, 'cause it means I get to whip out my best insults and give those pretentious, pasty-skinned, no-social-life-having dicklicks at Tech the carpet-bombing they deserve.

Depressive Doug: Yeah, and it's always my least favorite time of the season, because I have to sit here and cover my head while you jinx the crap out of us with your overconfidence.

MD: First of all, every time is your least favorite time of the year, from the looks of things. Second of all, how have I "jinxed" us, exactly? Oh, no, we've only won eight out of the last nine times! Clearly I'm the kiss of death!

DD: OK, so you got a pass for the Chan Gailey years. Between him and Patrick Nix, even your bad karma couldn't power them to a win. But even you have to admit that it's kind of a new ballgame with Paul Johnson as their head coach.

MD: Did we beat them last year or didn't we? Then clearly it isn't that new a ballgame.

DD: Maybe not, but you can't seriously sit there and call Tech a gimme win anymore. Even last year, they still managed to ring up more than 200 net rushing yards on us, and they came very close to erasing that two-touchdown lead we had at halftime on a number of occasions.

MD: "Came very close" still adds up to "lost" in my book. I mean, if even Willie Martinez can eventually figure out how to handle Paul Johnson's triple-option, I think Todd Grantham can probably pull it off.

DD: In a year when we're still trying to master the 3-4 defense in the twelfth game of the season? And still don't have a clue as to how to stop a mobile QB?

MD: OK, sit down a second, 'cause daddy's gonna tell you why this "mobile QB" thing everybody's been worrying about with respect to Georgia Tech is a load of bunk. The mobile quarterbacks we've had problems with this year have all been guys who could throw -- Tyler Hansen, Trey Burton, Cam Newton. But this Tech offense can't throw to save its life. Losing Demaryius Thomas to the NFL draft has completely taken away their only sure-fire deep threat; it's dropped their per-game passing yardage by more than 50 and their team pass efficiency from 12th in the nation to 110th. And that was even before their starting QB went out for the season with a wrist injury. With Josh Nesbitt gone, they're even less inclined to pass, meaning we can devote our full attention to loading up on the line and playing assignments against the triple-option.

DD: Yeah, which worked out just swell two years ago, when their passing game was just as much an afterthought as it is now and they still managed to roll us for 409 yards. While completing one pass the entire afternoon.

MD: Again, though, that was with Nesbitt, not to mention Jonathan Dwyer, who's also gone off to the NFL.

DD: Their leading rusher in that game was actually Roddy Jones, who went off on us for 214.

MD: And who barely has more than that for the entire 2010 season. I'm telling you, dude, people have started figuring out the Tech offense, just like I said they would. They're going to get some yards this weekend, but not nearly enough to matter.

DD: You don't think so?

MD: No, because a run-dominant, grind-it-out offense isn't gonna be able to keep up on the scoreboard with an offense that has as many weapons as we've got. Remember, Tech's trying to transition to a 3-4 front too, and they haven't mastered it any better than we have. They certainly don't have the personnel to cover A.J. Green, pressure Murray, and stack up against the run consistently.

DD: A.J. I'll grant you. The other two I wouldn't be quite so sure about -- you know how up-and-down our running game has been, and we haven't been all that consistent in pass protection, either.

MD: But Tech's pass rush has been practically nonexistent -- they've only got 16 sacks for the entire year. As for their ability to stop the run, you know how one of the biggest complaints about our defense this year is that we still don't have a dominant guy at nose tackle who can draw double-teams and plug up the middle? Tech's guy in the middle is Logan Walls, who's no bigger than any of our guys are. I'm not saying we're gonna out-rush them like we did last year -- though that'd be awesome -- but between Caleb King and Washaun Ealey, I'll bet cash money that at least one of them goes over 100 yards.

DD: Well, I can see you've been cured of your overconfidence regarding Tech. Bra-vo.

MD: You know, the more I think about this game the more I wonder what in the hell you're so worried about. Their offense is performing at a way lower level than it did in Paul Johnson's first years, and they're missing three of their most important playmakers from those teams. Again, it's not like we're going to completely dominate them in terms of rushing yards, but as long as we nail the fundamentals and wrap them up when we're tackling -- which seems a lot more likely given that we've been having full-pads, full-contact practices all week -- they're not going to be able to do to us what they did in 2008. And they're certainly not going to be able to match the speed with which we can put points on the board. A.J. is going to have another career day for the NFL scouts, Caleb and Washaun are going to clean up the rest, and we're going to win 42-20.



DD: Somehow I'm not the least bit surprised that you see a blowout happening this weekend. I, on the other hand, see a shootout. Full-contact practices or no, we're still crossing our fingers and hoping that our D-coordinator, talented though he may be, can hold down a triple-option offensive attack he never had to game-plan against in the NFL. I see the Techies being geeked up at a chance to get revenge for last year's game and win one for their injured QB, and I think they're going to win 34-30.

MD: You Judas. It's one thing for you to pick a team like Florida or Auburn to win, but Tech is the lowest of the low, the program that combines worthless football team and pissy, annoying fan base like no other program on our schedule. And you're going to pick them to deny us a bowl bid?

DD: If you want to talk obnoxious fans, I think you're really splitting hairs if you're trying to draw any distinction between Tech and Florida. But yes, I think we're staying home for bowl season this year.

MD: Unacceptable. I've keyed people's cars for less.

DD: Well, considering that we drive the same car, I hope you'll manage to maintain some semblance of self-control in this case. And considering that our predictions average out to what looks like a pretty convincing 36-27 Georgia win, maybe you can just let this one go.

MD: Maybe. I can forget. But I can't forgive.

(pause)

DD: So . . . you're eventually going to forget we even had this disagreement, but you're going to hold a grudge against me anyway?

MD: I know what I said.

DD: Yeah, and the sad thing is, I wouldn't put something that ridiculous past you, either. How about instead of not making any sense you grace us all with the Associated Hottie so that we can get out of here and crush some turkey.

MD: Not falling for that one, G. You know there aren't any hot girls at Tech. Searching for an Associated Hottie to represent the Jackets would be like trying to find a college graduate at an Insane Clown Posse show.

DD: Perhaps, but I did manage to find this on the Web somewhere.



MD: Huh. Wow. Who's that?

DD: Jamie Eason, I think her name is -- a "fitness model" by trade, or some such.

MD: Interesting. You realize, of course, that there's no way in hell she went to Tech.

DD: Oh, of course not. Really the only question is how much they had to pay her to wear that shirt.

MD: At least four figures would be my guess. Can you imagine what would happen if an actual male Tech student was ever approached by a chick like that?

DD: Barely, but either way, I'd want to grab some popcorn and watch the show.

MD: Yeah. See, you're getting into this.

DD: Hey, while I may be a voice of doom and misery when it comes to our football team, you will never hear me speak of Tech fans as anything other than annoying, comically maladjusted, disgusting people.

MD: That's the spirit! And on this day of giving thanks, I think it's appropriate to express our undying gratitude that, whatever happens on the football field, we're not them.



DD: Indeed. God bless us, every one.

Manic-Depressive Preview: If you've got any more Prayers on the Plains, now'd be the time to use 'em.

So we're nearing the end of a difficult season, and the Dawgs now sit at 5-5, and at a crossroads -- they've got two big rivals left, Auburn and Georgia Tech, and they're gonna have to beat at least one of them to make it to a bowl this year. Will they make it? Manic Doug, who watched every last second of the Dawgs' 55-7 beatdown of Idaho State last week, and Depressive Doug, who used the time to catch up on his flossing, bring you their views and predictions on the first of those two matchups here. You probably will not be surprised to find what their respective positions are.

Manic Doug: So has Cam Newton been suspended yet?

Depressive Doug: Seriously? Is that what you're waiting on? 'Cause if it is, this is gonna be the shortest preview we've ever done.

MD: No, Eeyore, I'm just trying to feel out every angle I can. Any little competitive edge we can get is gonna help us.

DD: First of all, I'm sure Mr. Newton is ever so flattered by your characterization of him as a "little" edge, not to mention the Heisman Foundation. Second, am I to infer from this that you're actually worried about the Dawgs' chances with him in the game?

MD: Well, of course I'm worried, dumbass. I'm an optimist and an aggressive drunk, not a complete idiot. But I'm not about to sit here and say that having to face the best player in the country automatically dooms us to a loss.

DD: Well, no problem there. I'll be happy to do it for you.

MD: What a shock. OK, then, answer me this: Can you name one guy on Auburn's offense besides Newton?

DD: Michael Dyer, running back. Darvin Adams, receiver. Mario Fannin, receiver. Lee Ziemba, offensive guard.

MD: Well, that one kind of blew up in my face.

DD: Onterrio McCalebb, running back. Philip Lutzenkirchen, tight end . . . shall I go on?

MD: Well, congratulations, you read your Phil -- wait, Lutzenkirchen? You made that up. Or else he's a character from a Dr. Seuss book.



DD: Nope, he's quite real, and he's got nine receptions for 81 yards and two TDs this season.

MD: Oh, well! Nine catches for eighty-one whole yards? Screw Cam Newton, it's obvious they don't need him!

DD: Are you anywhere close to making a point here? 'Cause if not, I'd love to go ahead and put in that DVD of the third season of "Mad Men" we were watching earlier, if it's all the same to you.

MD: What I'm saying is that while yes, there are other players on Auburn's roster, none of them have come close to making the kind of contribution that Newton has. Even you have to admit it's pretty much a one-man show. If we stop Newton, we've got a chance at winning. It's that simple.

DD: Yeah, and if I was Superman I could reverse the earth's rotation, go back in time and keep A.J. Green from selling that fucking jersey. So what? How do you propose we stop him?

MD: We don't have to stop him . . . if he stops himself.

(long, very weird pause)

DD: Was there supposed to be some music there? I feel like something was supposed to happen there that didn't happen.

MD: Yeah, I had Dramatic Chipmunk cued up, and then my computer froze on me. Hold on, you take a moment to admire this week's Associated Hottie, model and Auburn polymer engineering major Scarlet South, while I try to make this thing work.



DD: I'm not sure what I find harder to believe about that statement -- the idea that her real name is "Scarlet South," or the idea that there's a chick who looks like that anywhere who's majoring in polymer engineering.

MD: You want to go look it up, be my guest. All right, here we go. What was I saying again?

DD: Something about Cam Newton "stopping himself" that I can only imagine was beyond inane.

MD: Right, right. OK. We won't have to stop Cam Newton . . . if he stops himself.



DD: Bra-fucking-vo. You want to explain this line of thinking before I start regretting having asked in the first place?

MD: OK, check it: For the last two weeks all we've heard about are scandals about Cam Newton -- why he left Florida, what his grades were like, whether his own dad was shopping him around out of junior college, even what kind of traffic citations he ran up while he was at UF. Last week that didn't matter, because Auburn was only playing Chattanooga, and they were never going to keep him out there for that long anyway. But against Georgia, an actual team, and with this recruiting scandal blowing up bigger and bigger with each passing day, that's got to wear on him a bit, don't you think? Cause a bit of a distraction?

DD: OK, you know what? If we were playing stellar defense right now, I might actually be somewhat inclined to agree with you. To a point. But you can't honestly believe that "distraction" alone is going to be able to keep Cam Newton from running wild on us.

MD: Why wouldn't it? Auburn's offense is clearly biased toward the run, and I don't know if you noticed or not, but Georgia's got the #13 run defense in the entire country. And only a tick behind South Carolina in the SEC.

DD: Yeah, fine, but it's one thing to clamp down on the running attack of a team like Idaho State or Vanderbilt. We still can't stop a running QB to save our lives. You saw what Trey Burton did to us a couple weeks ago, right? And even Burton's not anywhere close to the level that Cam Newton's playing at right now.

MD: But we've got another ace in the hole, which is that Auburn can't pass. Their aerial attack is ranked 73rd in the nation at the moment -- they're just barely getting up over 200 passing yards per game.

DD: Can't pass, or just doesn't need to? They may be going to the air only sparingly, but Newton is still number two in the country in pass efficiency. He's completing more than two-thirds of his passes and has only thrown five picks all year, compared to 19 interceptions. Hell, he went off for 317 yards passing against Chattanooga just last week.

MD: Pfffft. Chattanooga. You don't think we can clamp down on their receivers a little better than the Mocs did? Is that all the credit you're prepared to give us?

DD: All I'm saying is, the dude can pass, whether they actually need him to or not.

MD: Look, is Cam Newton going to roll up some yards? Of course he is. And is Auburn going to score some points? Sure. But I refuse to believe that we can't keep up with them on the scoreboard. Look at the points they've let people roll up -- 27 to South Carolina, 34 to Kentucky, 43 to Arkansas. Hell, they even gave up 24 to Chattanooga, and not all of that in garbage time, either.

DD: So what you're telling me is that Georgia's going to be able to keep up with the SEC's best offense in both yardage and scoring, huh? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this?

MD: Why not? Auburn has the second-worst pass defense in the league right now. And you've seen what Aaron Murray can do when the opposing defense has A.J. Green to worry about. Even against Florida, even in a game where he threw three picks, he still managed to go off for three TDs and more than 300 yards. And that was against a good secondary. Auburn's pass defense is going to be ripe for the picking.

DD: Well, if Murray decides to throw three picks again this weekend, we're fucked no matter how vulnerable their secondary supposedly is. But let's say, just for the sake of argument, that they really are going to play that badly against us. What if we can't keep Murray upright enough to take advantage?

MD: Why wouldn't we? Our pass protection has come around the last few weeks -- only three sacks allowed in the last month.

DD: Yeah, but none of those teams had a Nick Fairley to throw at us. Fairley is second in the SEC in sacks, right behind Justin Houston, and number one in tackles for loss. You'd better be crossing your fingers for both Aaron Murray and our running game with a guy like that on the other side of the line.

MD: Our running backs are going to be fine. Yeah, Auburn's run-defense stats look good on paper, but it's not like they've had to face that many elite running backs this year.

DD: I'm touched that you think our running backs qualify as "elite." OK, Pollyanna, hit me with your prediction -- just give me a second to get my popcorn ready, I'm sure it's gonna be a doozy.

MD: Well, again, it could very well be a shootout. But Auburn's gotten caught up in shootouts before -- Kentucky and Arkansas, right off the top of my head -- and we've got a better defense than Kentucky and a more balanced offense than Arkansas. I think we'll keep within striking distance of Auburn for most of the game, make a couple stops on defense when we need to, and then Aaron Murray will lead us down the field for the winning touchdown with less than 90 seconds to play -- sort of a replay of the "Prayer on the Plains" from 2002. Georgia wins, 37-34.

DD: That'd make for a great story, and I'd be as thrilled as anyone if it came to pass, but I just don't see it. I think Auburn, like four of the five teams who have beaten us this year, rockets down the field to a touchdown on their very first drive and puts up a multi-score lead on us before we even have a chance to blink. The offense gathers itself, starts getting into a rhythm, but they're playing out of a hole and the pass rush really has an opportunity to key in on Aaron Murray once it becomes clear we've got a big deficit to make up and not a lot of time to do it. Auburn wins big, 42-23.

MD: Wow. I mean, you've predicted losses here before -- lots of 'em -- but three touchdowns? That's depressing even by your standards.

DD: Maybe, but at least it's grounded in something resembling reality. You really think we're going into Auburn and coming out with a win over the number-two team in the nation?

MD: You act like we've never done this before. Four years ago, we were coming off that awful 1-4 stretch -- we'd managed to lose to Vanderbilt and Kentucky, lest you forget -- and we took advantage of an Auburn team that was ranked fifth in the nation but playing sloppy. Picked them off four times, won by three TDs. This year they've got the distraction of the Cam Newton situation, they're in danger of looking ahead to a huge Iron Bowl matchup in a couple weeks, we're playing in Auburn, where we've won six outta the last nine . . . and come on, you can't seriously think that a Gene Chizik team is gonna run the table, do you?

DD: Not really, but at this point it doesn't seem any less probable than a five-loss Georgia team knocking off a top-three Auburn squad led by a Heisman frontrunner.

MD: Man, fuck that. The intangibles all break in our favor. Auburn is the one feeling the pressure, both in terms of the national-title race and whatever the NCAA is looking into regarding Cam Newton. This is our time. This could be our chance . . . to stun the world.



(Another long and embarrassing pause)

DD: Yeah, if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna go put in the "Mad Men" DVD now.

MD: Well, our predictions average out to a 38-30 win for Auburn, so congratulations, you've managed to massively skew another one in favor of a Georgia opponent. But it's cool -- I'll be sure to bring you back an awesome souvenir from Auburn after we win. You know, since I'll be going to the game and all.

DD: Fan-flippin'-tastic. As long as you come home under your own power, as opposed to me having to come out to Auburn and bail you out of someplace, your clean criminal record is all the souvenir I need.

MD: Suit yourself. I'll do my best to stay out of trouble. . . . Or will I?

Manic-Depressive Preview: This might be the weirdest Cocktail Party ever.

The Dawgs now have three consecutive dominating victories under their belts, and Manic Doug is kind of over the moon about it -- to be exact, he had to be physically restrained from whipping his junk out and pressing it up against the window of the last car he saw with a Gators license-plate frame. You'd think that even Depressive Doug would be heartened by this recent turn of events, but this is Florida we're talking about, so . . . no dice. In this week's Manic-Depressive Preview, we'll find out if Manic's "Woohoo! We don't suck anymore!" can overcome Depressive's relentless focus on 3-17:

Manic Doug: THREE IN A ROW, BABY! And second place with a bullet in the SEC East! Can you believe it?

Depressive Doug: Now that you mention it, no.

MD: Dude, we're about the hottest thing going in the division right now. Meanwhile, the Gators have lost three straight and are basically tripping over their own shadows on offense. We're gonna leave our cleat prints all over their Pro Combat asses and give 'em a taste of their own fuckin' medicine.

DD: Wow. Congratulations.

MD: On what?

DD: On coming out of the coma you've apparently been in for the past 20 years. Does our modern technology confuse and frighten you? It's OK! This thing I'm typing on here is called the In-ter-net, and look, you can use it to get thousands of songs and put them in this tiny little box!

MD: You're mocking me, aren't you?

DD: Brilliant deduction, and yes, I'm mocking the shit out of you. Seriously, have you forgotten everything that's happened over the past two decades in this rivalry? Three-and-seventeen? Do you seriously not get how retarded it is to be taking a win for granted?



MD: I'm not taking anything for granted, but come on, man -- have you seen Florida this year? These aren't the Gators of the Tim Tebow years. Frankly, I'm not convinced they're even the Gators of the Ron Zook years. They're godawful in literally every phase of the offensive game, and they're meeting up with Georgia right when we seem to be hitting our stride on defense.

DD: We gave up 31 points to Kentucky last week. That's what you call "hitting our stride"?

MD: OK, first of all, a lot of that was bullshit points they scored after we'd already gone up 41-17 in the fourth quarter and took our foot off the gas.

DD: They were moving the ball pretty well on us even when we supposedly had our foot on the gas, though. Nine-of-fifteen on third downs? Even third-and-long?

MD: But see, Florida doesn't have the playmakers to pull that off this year.

DD: Don't have the playmakers? So you've never heard of Jeff Demps? Or Trey Burton, who straight-up murdered Kentucky at the goal line a few weeks ago? Or Chris Rainey?

MD: OK, Demps is a gamer, but we've got a guy who scored five TDs against Kentucky, too, and he ended up with a ton more rushing yards than Trey Burton did. And don't even talk to me about Chris Rainey -- he had all of 16 rushing yards this season before he got himself "suspended from team activities." It's gonna take a lot more than Rainey to turn this offense around. What they need is another Tim Tebow, and they don't have one. Turns out Tebow's departure killed this team even more than anyone thought it would, which sucks for the Gators because John Brantley can't do half of what Teebs did, and sucks for everyone else because now we don't get to see pictures of his girlfriend, Erin Drewes, all over the place.

DD: Hmm, I sense an Associated Hottie coming. You do know she wasn't actually his girlfriend, right?

MD: Yeah, but when she got mistaken as his girlfriend while she was at UF, she did what any hot chick in her position would do -- got body-painted up and appeared in Playboy.



DD: (witheringly) A true virtuoso of the segue, you are.

MD: You know you're the only person I know who can still be that sarcastic when he's looking at a chick wearing nothing but paint? If you'll allow me to continue, there's a guy the Florida program might be missing even more than Tebow right now, and it's Dan Mullen, their former offensive coordinator. The new guy, Steve Addazio, is trying to run a Tebow-centric offense with only a John Brantley under center, and it's clearly not working; he's pissed off so many people in Gainesville that he's probably one or two botched snaps away from having to hire someone to taste his food for him.

DD: His offense does look wretched, I'll give you that.

MD: Meanwhile, ours is clicking -- everyone's healthy, the offensive line finally seems to be coming together, and we've now unloaded 40 points on three straight SEC opponents for the first time in Georgia history.

DD: Yeah, but you don't seriously think it's gonna be that easy against the Gators, do you? They've been OK against the run, but straight-up murder against the pass -- 15 interceptions in seven games, top 15 in the nation in terms of both yardage and efficiency allowed. You know as well as I do that the only way Georgia's been able to win this game recently is to score bucketloads of points, and you can't think that's gonna be easy this weekend.

MD: It won't be easy, but it's not impossible. First of all, none of the teams Florida has beaten gave them an A.J. Green to worry about. A.J.'s gonna stretch the field and open things up for the running game, which gets Caleb King back this week, by the way. Second, Aaron Murray has been a straight-up baller this year -- you ask me, I think he's even more poised than David Greene or Matt Stafford were in their first years. And honestly, I kind of like the fact that he's a freshman -- it's almost like he's coming into this game fresh, not knowing or caring about Georgia's baggage in this rivalry.

DD: Wow. As intangibles go, that's a bit of a stretch even by TV-pundit standards. I'm sure Kirk Herbstreit is very impressed.

MD: Fuck you, dude. You're determined to be depressed and miserable about this game, aren't you? In spite of the fact that Florida's weaker than its been in decades and Georgia's got an awesome opportunity to beat them down?

DD: An awesome opportunity, sure, but let's be real here. Urban Meyer may be a megalomaniacal asshole and perhaps even a sociopath, but the guy's no dummy -- you know he's been spending their bye week coming up with new wrinkles to try and give this offense some kind of spark. And regardless of Addazio's incompetence, he's got the playmakers to pull it off. Given how our offense is struggling to stop the pass and defend third downs, I think he's gonna find a way to break just enough big plays to put some points on the board. And if their defense plays up to its potential and finally makes Aaron Murray look like the freshman he is, then that'll be enough points to win. I'm calling it Florida 27, Georgia 17.

MD: That sucks, man! You really think they're gonna make it three-and-eighteen? Who wants to live in a world like that?

DD: I don't like it any more than you do. But this has been an ugly rivalry for us lately, there's no way around it. I've been burned too many times to believe otherwise.

MD: Don't think like that! Open your heart, man! This rivalry can change! Let the Cocktail Party love you! . . .

(extremely awkward pause)

DD: OK, now I'm just embarrassed for you.

MD: Whatever. For those of us who have faith in the mighty Bulldogs, here's how it's gonna go: Florida's offense continues to suck, while A.J. burns the Gator secondary on a couple big plays. That forces Florida to move their defense back and Georgia gets to open up the run and the short passing game, and they hold off a late Gator rally to win, 31-23.

DD: That's a nice story.

MD: Thanks.

DD: But tallying up our respective predictions, I see they average out to . . . a 25-24 Florida win.

MD: You Judas! I can't believe you still managed to screw this one up! I want a do-over on my prediction.

DD: Nope. Too late. You can put up another picture of painted-Gator-fan-chick, though.

MD: You know what? No. No. You don't deserve it. When Georgia comes home from Jacksonville victorious, you'll get to see my bare ass running up and down the street screaming and waving a Georgia flag, that's all you're gonna get to see.

DD: If Georgia comes home from Jacksonville victorious? I'll run up and down the street naked with you.

MD: I'm gonna hold you to that.

DD: Please don't say "hold," but yes, fine. Whatever.

MD: You got a deal.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Putting on a brave face is easier when you're drunk.

Needless to say, neither Manic Doug nor Depressive Doug were all that happy in the wake of the Dawgs' agonizing loss to Colorado last week, but they each went about it in different ways. Manic Doug went downtown, got lit up at a bar, and made increasingly overt (and surreal) come-ons to girls he really didn't have any shot with; Depressive Doug stayed home and got drunk, and we're not sure what happened after that, but we think it may have involved him trying to contact a bunch of his ex-girlfriends over Facebook so the less said about that, the better. Somehow, Manic managed to coach Depressive back for another one of these little talks, so here they are, hung over and a little bit bruised in the pride department but otherwise not nearly as worse for wear as they probably ought to be.

Depressive Doug: Dude, don't make me go through another one of these. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Manic Doug: Aw, come on, man, you look like someone just ran over your dog or something.

DD: Someone did just run over my Dawgs. Four someones, in fact. And somehow each of them has managed to be less talented than the last, yet they still manage to pull out the victory. What's the point, man? Why do we even exist?

MD: OK, first of all, I'm way too hung over for you to be springing this existentialist shit on me right now. Second, it's football, which we still like, even when it nearly kills us. Third, our girlfriend is expecting to be up for Georgia-Tennessee Hate Week, and I'm not gonna disappoint a chick.

DD: Wait . . . does she know about us? Both of us?

MD: Well, she was around for the Georgia-Florida game last year, where I ran screaming around the house and gave the dogs upside-down belly rubs when Georgia kept it close in the very beginning, and then you went upstairs and passed out drunk on our bedroom floor when the game got completely out of hand, so . . . yeah, I'd have to say she's made both our acquaintances.

DD: Oh, God, so does that mean she knows what I did after last week's game?

MD: Probably, but because it was both pathetic and futile, she a) saw it coming and b) didn't think it was getting worked up about. Now can we please get on with the football talk before I seriously start questioning why I even hang out with you?

DD: Fine. Go on and give me your ridiculous reasons why you still hold out hope for a win this weekend.



MD: Hey, I've got perfectly good reasons, not the least of which is Tennessee sucks. But there's an even better one, and it is that Georgia actually looked pretty good last Saturday while A.J. Green was in the game. Which, of course, he will be on Saturday. You're telling me you don't even find a little joy in that?

DD: All I can think about is just how completely dependent the team is on him. What if the Vols find a way to bottle him up? They certainly did last year.

MD: Yeah, but that was a different Tennessee defense. They're not nearly as good this year -- they're actually ninth in the SEC right now in opponent passing yardage and 10th in efficiency, and that's after having faced only one truly elite QB. They let UAB's backup quarterback go off for 373 yards on 'em, and the very next week against LSU, they even let Jarrett Lee have an OK game. I'm sorry, but if you play a game against Jarrett Lee and you don't come away with a single pick-six, I don't know how you can call yourself a defense.

DD: You really think it's gonna make a difference, though, with all the offensive line tinkering we've had to do lately? You can't tell me you're totally confident about that.

MD: Again, it won't matter if A.J. keeps the Vol defense honest and frees up some running room for Caleb King.

DD: Oh, great, another awesome weekend of Guess Which Running Back Is Going To Fumble The Game Away. I love that game. You do know we're back to a negative turnover margin on the season, right? Whereas Tennessee is already +4?

MD: All I know is we were a pretty damn good team last week when A.J. Green wasn't cramping up. I'm going to assume that we won't be running into that problem again this Saturday, hence I'm optimistic.

DD: Remind me to tell you what happens when you assume after we get done here. OK, let's say you're right about everything and the offense does start clicking with A.J. firmly in the lineup. What about our defense? After all you've seen over the past few weeks, are you really confident that Tennessee won't be able to keep up with us on the scoreboard?

MD: Of course.

DD: And why is that?

MD: Because Tennessee's offense sucks. After all you've seen over the past few weeks, how have you not picked up on that?

DD: Two words: Tauren Poole.



MD: Is that a band?

DD: He's Tennessee's starting running back, and he's pretty damn good. Went over the century mark against Oregon and against LSU last week. Rarely goes down on first contact, also catches passes out of the backfield. After the way that we've been shredded by both itty-bitty running backs and mobile QBs the past couple weeks, I can't believe you're not terrified of this guy.

MD: Baby, Manic don't get terrified, particularly when the other team is starting an infirmary ward on the offensive line. No, make that a children's hospital, because Tennessee was starting three underclassmen on the line, and that was even before guys started getting hurt right and left. Now the depth situation has gotten so bad that Derek Dooley is talking about fielding an offensive line that only has four guys.

DD: Dude, he's not seriously gonna start a four-man offensive line.

MD: Why not? He already tried fielding a defense with thirteen. And they're at a point now where if Dallas Thomas goes down for whatever reason, they're almost certain to replace him with a guy who's never played left tackle before. Tennessee's already fourth from the bottom in the nation in sacks allowed this season, and it looks like it could get even worse.

DD: Look, I know Tennessee's not a good team. But neither was Mississippi State, and neither was Colorado, before they played us. And as much as it hurts to say, we're not a good team right now. On paper, we've got a big talent advantage over nearly every team we play, but they're not being utilized well, they're not playing smart, they almost look like they're waiting for the next disaster to happen rather than believing they can win --

MD: Wow, that last part actually sounds kind of like you.

DD: Hey, I'm a reflection of the circumstances around me, all right? As horrific as it is to contemplate the Dawgs being on a five-game losing streak, I'm done believing that our talent advantages are going to carry us through, or that we can't lose to this team or that team or blow X number of games in a row just because we're the Georgia Bulldogs. The stats say we can lose, our record says we have lost, so . . . sorry, I think it's highly likely we get our hearts ripped out again. Tennessee scores a late touchdown, stuffs us on our last-gasp drive -- again -- and wins 26-20.

MD: It must be so depressing to be you.

DD: Uh . . . have we met?

MD: Sadly, we have, and if I could un-meet you, I think I'd give it a try. Not that I don't understand your fears here -- even manic dudes get the blues every now and then -- but you've got to take some good from the Colorado game and think that it really has a chance to manifest itself here. A.J. Green has another career day, he opens things up for the rest of the offense, we hold onto the ball in critical situations and win going away, 38-20.

DD: So our two predictions average out to . . . a 29-23 win for Georgia, which, wow. You really think we're gonna win by eighteen? We'll be lucky to score that many, if the last few weeks are any indication.

MD: Vegas has us favored by two TDs.

DD: Really? OK . . . why?!?

MD: Beats the crap out of me, man -- I don't know how they calculate that stuff, I just bet on it.

DD: Not this week, I hope.

MD: No, not this week -- I think one of those chicks I tried to pick up at the bar Saturday night lifted my wallet. Shoulda known that little five-foot-nothing blonde was trouble on heels.

DD: Actually, that reminds me, does our girlfriend know about that?

MD: No, and she won't, unless she asks me to pay for a bunch of shit this weekend.

DD: Wow. This girl must have the patience of a saint.

MD: Or she's just realized it's futile trying to rehabilitate me, but either way, yes.

DD: So she's OK with the Associated Hottie, too?

MD: Yes, especially this week, because I'm picking one that's near and dear to both our hearts: Dolly Parton, who received an honorary degree from UT last year.



MD: I don't care if she's 64 years old, the lady's got some pipes, and she's still fine as fuck.

DD: Interesting. Not that I don't agree, but I wouldn't have ever pegged you for a country fan.

MD: Honestly, most of it I could take or leave, but I know what I like.

DD: The way you said that makes me think you're talking about something other than music now.

MD: Why, I don't know what you could possibly mean.

DD: All right, fine.

(pause)

MD: I do like boobs, though.

DD: Of course you do.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Climbing down into the crevasse.

It should not come as a surprise to any of you that the median mood of our manic-depressive football previewers has shifted somewhat closer to the "depressive" end of the spectrum since Georgia got humiliated in Starkville last Saturday night. However, Manic managed to coax Depressive off of a ledge with a bag of those Almond Joy pieces and a new Lego set, so the duo has survived intact to bring you their thoughts on Georgia-Colorado. (Be gentle, obviously, with Depressive Doug. It's been touch-and-go.)

Manic Doug: How you holdin' up, bro?

Depressive Doug: I ate the whole bag of Almond Joy pieces. And look! It's the Wampa cave from "The Empire Strikes Back"!



MD: Awww, hey, that's great, buddy! You, uh, ready to talk a little football for the people out there?

(long pause)

DD: I want another Lego set.

MD: Oh, come on, dude, don't do this. You're gonna make me be the grown-up here? You can't honestly think any good is gonna come of that.

DD: I'm sorry, but I just don't have a lot to offer here. We just played one of the worst teams in the SEC, and not only did we let them pound the ball down our throats, we couldn't get in the frickin' end zone until it was long past mattering. Seriously, what's my motivation here? What possible reason could I have to get excited about this weekend?

MD: A.J. Green's back! Wooooooo!!!!! . . .

(pause)

MD: OK, I gotta say, I was really expecting a more exuberant reaction there.

DD: OK, fine, it's great that we're getting A.J. back. I mean that. But he's not gonna be able to help us pass-protect, and he's not gonna make much of a difference in the running game, either.

MD: He will if his presence as a deep threat keeps Colorado from stacking the box against us like everyone else has been doing.

DD: You really think he's gonna make that much of a difference? For all their problems lately, Colorado's run defense is ranked seventh in the nation. They're barely allowing more than 70 yards per game.

MD: Yeah, dirty little secret there? They built that up against Hawaii and Colorado State, who just happen to be the two worst rushing teams in Division I-A right now. As in 119th and 120th out of 120. I know Washaun and Caleb have been a bit of a disappointment this season, but you gotta believe they'll be better than that.

DD: OK, that I did not know, but I'm still skeptical. I just don't think A.J.'s gonna be able to completely turn this team around on his own.

MD: Hey, I'm not saying that either. But he'll provide a bit of a spark. And call me overconfident, but this is one of those situations where I don't think we'll have to score that many points to pull off the win.

DD: It almost sounds like you're fixing to tell me how our defense is gonna suddenly rise up and get it together better than they have at any point since the opener against Lafayette, and if that's the case then I'm gonna have to cut you off right there.

MD: OK, if you keep running your mouth like that I'm gonna buy you another box of Legos and make you swallow 'em. Let's review: What did South Carolina have on offense that we just couldn't stop?

DD: A big-ass running back who never went down on first contact.

MD: Colorado's starting tailback is 5'6" and weighs 175 pounds. What did Arkansas have that we couldn't stop?

DD: Ryan Mallett, a 6'7" behemoth with an RPG launcher for an arm.

MD: Yup. Colorado's quarterback, on the other hand, has a career 13/15 TD/INT ratio and a 113 QB rating. Now, what did Mississippi State have that we couldn't quite get a handle on?

DD: Another rugged running back, and a big, mobile QB.

MD: The running back I've covered; Hansen, meanwhile, has a career per-carry average of less than two yards. See? Look, I'm not gonna act like our defense doesn't have any weaknesses, but so far Colorado hasn't proven the ability to exploit any of them.

DD: But we didn't think Mississippi State did, either, and yet we couldn't get them off the field in the second half. Their running back might be little, but it's not gonna matter if he can get outside the way Chris Relf and Vick Ballard did. They're not going to be sending him up the middle anyway.

MD: Maybe, but he's all they've got. The only guy they've got behind him is a junior who's barely any bigger than he is and has 205 career yards.

DD: Look, here's the thing: I know we've got a talent advantage here. Pass around that petition, and I'll sign it twice. But we had just as big a talent advantage in Starkville last week, and a fat lot of good it did us. The problem here isn't in the talent or in the statistics; it's in the motivation and the coaching. At a time when everybody and his brother is talking about how our program is doomed, we're playing yet another must-win game, and we gotta go all the way out to Colorado to do it. Where the air is thinner and where the crowd will be geeked up because they'll be honoring the 1990 co-championship team at halftime . . .

MD: Heh. Boy, I'll bet that pisses the Tech fans off.

DD: Be that as it may, it's a daunting situation for any number of reasons. Mississippi State was a less talented team who beat us because they just wanted it more; can you honestly say you're not worried that Colorado is gonna be the same kind of team?

MD: Worried? Maybe. A little. But not nearly enough to make me think we're gonna lose. Getting A.J. back isn't just gonna be a shot in the arm from a game-planning standpoint, it's gonna be an emotional lift for everybody on the roster. However geeked-up they are, this is the week we finally get up off the mat and match it.

DD: All right then, sunshine, tell me how it's gonna go.

MD: OK, first of all, the sarcastic nicknames are my department, Cowboy Woody. Second: Yes, getting A.J. back totally flips the script for us. Gives the team an emotional boost and lets us open up the offense the way we've been talking about doing for weeks now. Colorado's pass defense is very beatable, and if they try to double-cover A.J., that's just gonna open up the short game so that we can maybe start throwing to the tight ends for once.

DD: Yeah, that would be nice.

MD: We managed to put together some nice sustained drives in the first half last week before everything went completely to shit; we do that again, and manage not to fumble on the goal line this time, we'll score some points and keep our defense fresh enough to not get ambushed by Rodney Stewart. I think Colorado will come out fairly amped-up, it'll be a close game for a half or so while we kind of try to feel them out, but we pull away in the second half and win 30 to 13.

DD: Well, that's a pretty nice scenario you've drawn up there . . .

MD: And completely plausible. Come on, dude, pick the win. Feel the win. You know this losing streak can't go on forever. The time is right. The stars are aligned. Go with your heart . . .

DD: When you get that close to my face like that, it kind of scares me.

MD: Sorry. I promise I totally wasn't doing it in a gay way.

DD: OK, good, because it kind of felt like that. (pause) (hurriedly) Not that there's anything wrong with that.

MD: Oh, no, no. I mean, it's just that . . . yeah, go on. You were saying? You're going with your heart, and . . . ?

DD: And . . . I just don't see it.

MD: Uhhhhhhh. You're killing me, Smalls.

DD: The offense will look a little better, and I bet A.J. gets behind their secondary for at least one touchdown. But he can't save the team singlehandedly, and our inability to run is gonna come back to bite us even with him in the game. I think it's another close, low-scoring, fairly ugly affair for most of the game, right up until the last few minutes when Colorado puts together a sustained drive, we can't tackle Stewart, and they punch it in the end zone to win 23-20.

MD: Wow. You're really predicting that we'll come home from Colorado with a 1-4 record.

DD: I don't like it. In fact, I kind of hate it. But that's where I'm at emotionally right now, dude.

MD: Well, I've got a couple pieces of good news. First is that even with your dire, spirit-crushing prediction factored in, our predictions still average out to a 25-18 win for the Dawgs.

DD: Well, hey, if that's what ends up happening, so much the better for us. What's the other piece of good news?

MD: We still have the Associated Hottie to get to! And here she is: Casey Parker.



DD: OK, she's cute. What is she, an actress? What's she been in?

MD: Hustler and Barely Legal, for starters.

DD: Well. How proud the University of Colorado must be.

MD: Hey, we've all got a porn connection whether we know it or not. Did you know we share a birthday with two Playmates and Jenaveve Jolie, star of "18 and Full of Sin" and "Three's Cumpany"?

DD: You will be shocked to find that no, I did not know that.

MD: It's a small world, man.

DD: You know, on the one hand it's taking every ounce of muscle control I have not to roll my eyes at all that, but on the other hand I'm actually kind of impressed that it took you five whole games into the season to pick a porn star for the Associated Hottie slot. In a way, I guess that means you're growing up.

MD: Perhaps. But don't get excited, it won't last.

DD: No, I expect not. Speaking of which, I seem to recall you saying you were taking Georgia and the points last week. So are we gonna be able to eat this month, or do we need to have a talk about this?

MD: Heh, uh, actually, like I said, I was kind of drunk last week, and I accidentally put the money on UAB plus the points against Tennessee.

(pause)

DD: Honestly, sometimes I don't know how you manage to pull this shit off.

MD: Don't knock it, dude, that's where your Legos came from.

Manic-Depressive Preview: In which we can at least be assured of a Bulldog victory.

Another rough week for both the Manic and Depressive sides of our commentary duo. I don't care how confident and carefree you are, that was a fucking miserable way to lose a football game. Let's see if the team can bounce back this week, and our prognosticators along with them.

Manic Doug: Jeez, dude, what's got you so down? You look like your dog just died.

Depressive Doug: My Dawgs did just die. With under a minute left in the game, because they couldn't protect the quarterback or defend an out pass. How are you not depressed over this?

MD: For one, Arkansas is a good team. I mean, I hate to admit that a filthy, trifling bastard like Bobby Petrino is good at anything, but the dude can coach, OK? Plus we get Caleb King back this week, we're not gonna face an offense nearly as good as what we've seen the last couple weeks . . . come on, it ain't the end of the world. We got this one.

DD: Huh. Well.

MD: Also, I'm kind of drunk right now.

DD: Aaaand there we go. You lucid enough to do the Associated Hottie this week, or you need me to cover you?

MD: Naw, dude, I got this one. Boom: Audrey Puente, daughter of Tito Puente, got her master's degree at Missy State, now the weather girl for WWOR in New York City.



DD: I don't think that's the proper term anymore. I think she's supposed to be called a "meteorologist."

MD: Fascinating. Mind if I call you "dicklick"?

DD: I thought you were doing that already.

MD: Only once in a while. OK, football. Look: I know things look shitty right now for the Bulldogs -- our Bulldogs -- but you gotta be optimistic about a few things. For one thing, Aaron Murray is still the man. If our offensive line can just learn to protect him better --

DD: Yeah, they're only one of the most veteran lines in the country, they've still got a few things to learn.

MD: -- if they can protect him better, which they'll have a chance to do with Caleb King coming back this week, dicklick, he'll continue to do awesome things.

DD: Even if Mississippi State's secondary is one of the best in the country? You know they had a guy in the top 10 nationwide in interceptions last season, right? And he wasn't even the guy who had two pick-sixes against Tim Tebow last year. That was Johnthan Banks, a free safety.



MD: "Johnthan"? You sure you didn't leave out a letter there?

DD: Nope, that's his name.

MD: Brilliant. Of course, coming from the program that brought us Slovakia Griffith and Pig Prather, that's downright normal.

DD: Make fun of his name all you want, man, but the kid's a stud.

MD: Maybe so, but Murray isn't some dumbass. He's only thrown two picks all season long. State's two quarterbacks, meanwhile, threw five in last week's game alone. Murray may not be a superstar just yet, but at least he's competent. I don't think you can say that about anybody on State's offense at this point.

DD: Well, you've got a fair point. The combined QB rating of Chris Relf and Tyler Russell against Memphis was 263; against actual teams, i.e. Auburn and LSU, it was 65.2. Honestly, I think even our defense might be able to put up a good performance against these guys.

MD: See, now you're starting to (hic) think clearly.

DD: But it's not like our offense has been looking that great, either.

MD: Oh, come on. You're not seriously gonna try and convince me they've sunk to Mississippi State's level, are you?

DD: No, but let's get real here: Our offensive line is nowhere near where we thought it would be, our running game has been mediocre, and even when we're able to keep Murray upright, the coaches don't seem to want to give him anything to do. We are a team in desperate need of an offensive identity right now, and I don't know that we're gonna find it in Starkville.

MD: You sure about that? We get Caleb back, which is gonna be a big help in pass protection . . .

DD: Not that big if Shaun Chapas isn't in the game, which I don't think he will be. And State's front seven is no joke. Pernell McPhee had five sacks last year . . .

MD: . . . and none this year. They've only got four sacks total on the season, which is 87th in the country right now. Having Caleb as an extra dimension in the running game will give them something else to think about, and for all the talk about how much we're missing A.J. Green, our receiving corps has held its own. We've gotta get the tight ends more involved, obviously, but Kris Durham and Tavarres King have been straight-up ballers the last couple weeks.

DD: I'd like to get excited about that, but the fact is, until we can put A.J. back out there, nobody's going to be scared enough of our deep passing game to try and double-cover anyone, and that just gives them extra bodies for the pass rush. Getting Caleb King back might be worth, oh, 50 more rushing yards and maybe one sack prevented, but he's not a panacea.

MD: Leaving aside your fondness for big ten-dollar college words for a second, are you really gonna sit there and tell me you think Georgia's gonna lose this game?

DD: Well --

MD: Think about this, dude. Oh and three in the SEC for the first time in I don't know how long? Because of Mississippi State?

DD: OK, you know what? I don't honestly think we're gonna go 0-3 in the SEC. We've got too much talent for that, and everything you've said about State's offense is true: Even as much as our defense has struggled at times this season, their offense isn't good enough to bomb away at us or run it down our throats. It's one thing to face guys like Marcus Lattimore or Ryan Mallett, but I don't see either one on State's roster, or anyone even close.

MD: OK, thank you. I seriously thought you were gonna pick the loss there.

DD: No, I'm going to cautiously, nervously call for a win. But don't think for one minute that it's going to be pretty. Their defense is gonna throw everything they've got at us, and at this point you've gotta be very skeptical that our offensive line can stand up to it all, until they prove otherwise. I think we get a bit of a boost in the running game with King back, but the passing game never quite gets into a rhythm, and we win by, like, 20-16 or something.

MD: Well, I agree with you that State's not gonna score much, but I disagree that their D is as tough as you seem to think it is. I think this is the game where the line shakes off their rust, steps up, and lets Murray take another step forward. I mean, they'll get to him a couple times, but he's gonna sneak a couple big throws behind their secondary and power us to a pretty convincing win. Real Bulldogs beat the Bizarro Bulldogs, 28-10.

DD: Bigger margin of victory than Auburn was able to manage in Starkville, huh?

MD: Don't even get me started on Auburn.

DD: Thanks, I don't think I will. All right, well, our two predictions average out to 24-13. Think you'll be happy with that?

MD: Ehhh, it ain't nearly as much as we could do . . .

DD: Think so? Vegas has us as a one-point 'dog.

MD: A one-point underdog?!?! Are you shitting me?!

DD: Nope. State's favored.

MD: Hold on, I'll be right back.

DD: Oh, man, you're not gonna throw another toaster, are you?

MD: For Christ's sake. No, Tiffany, I'm gonna find my cell phone and put a call into my guy.

DD: Your "guy"?

MD: Five hundred on Georgia in a straight upset. Be the easiest money I've ever made.

DD: Where did you get five hundred bucks from?

MD: I'll let you know when I win.

DD: That means it came from my account, doesn't it? (sighs) That's cool, I'm sure the power company will understand.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Dawg food or Hog tied?

This past week has been difficult, as even Manic Doug was tempted to take a turn for the depressive after Saturday's loss to the Gamecocks. But hope and dick jokes spring eternal, so he's back to scrap with Depressive Doug over another opponent. Today's debate: Arkansas, whose offense is destined to score a bazillion points on us, right? Well, that's what Manic and Depressive are here to determine.

Manic Doug: OK, dude, just say it.

Depressive Doug: Say what? You can't just ambush me with these things, you're gonna have to tell me what it is you're talking about.

MD: I was wrong about the South Carolina game and you were right. We lost. Offense never quite got going, defense couldn't stop Marcus Lattimore. So go ahead and tell me how wrong I was.

DD: Man, I'm not gonna do that. In spite of what you might think, I don't make these dire predictions just for funsies. This is really how I am.

MD: Really? That's . . . actually even sadder, now that I think about it.

DD: Yeah, it kind of is. But the point is I'd never rag you just for the sake of ragging you.

MD: Really?

DD: Of course. Just as a demonstration of good faith, I'll even do the Associated Hottie this week. This is Furonda Brasfield, who graduated from Arkansas and went on to be a contestant on "America's Next Top Model."



MD: Wow, you know what? I'm honestly impressed. Well done, sir. You're finally loosening up a bit.

DD: Yeah, I suppose so. (pause) I still think Georgia's gonna lose this weekend, though.

MD: Oh, for Christ's sake.

DD: What? We couldn't stop Marcus Lattimore last week, what makes you think we're gonna stop the best offense in the SEC?

MD: For starters, they're two completely different offenses --

DD: Yeah, 'cause this one can actually pass.

MD: They can't run, though. Last year's Arkansas running game ended up 81st in the country, and this year's isn't much better, in spite of the fact that they've only played two complete scrubs so far this season. And one of their most experienced running backs is going to be out with a --

DD: Yes, I think everyone's heard of Dennis Johnson's "bowel injury" by now, so let's not go into any more graphic detail about that than we absolutely have to, thanks. But look, we both know what the focal point of this offense is, and it ain't the running game. It's Ryan Mallett, who absolutely torched us last year.

MD: Pfffft. Ryan Mallett.

DD: Are you for real? Best quarterback in the SEC, early Heisman frontrunner, and all he merits from you is a "Pfffft"?

MD: Hey, I won't deny that the guy's talented. But he's got this nasty habit of playing like soft-boiled ass away from home. His QB rating last year in the state of Arkansas: 191.5. His QB rating outside Arkansas: 99.5. They only won one game away from home all year, and it was East Carolina in the Liberty Bowl, and they needed overtime to even manage that.

DD: So you think we're just gonna steamroll a guy who threw for more than 3,600 yards last year, then.

MD: Hey, it could happen! Our secondary's got to be better than last year. And Mallett has no wheels whatsoever. Last week Justin Houston had three sacks against Stephen Garcia, a guy who's way more mobile than Mallett. If we can get any kind of penetration whatsoever on the Arkansas O-line, he's gonna have a field day.

DD: OK, let's say we manage to contain the Razorback offense. Just for the sake of argument. Even if that happens, you really think we're gonna be able to keep up with them on the scoreboard after only managing two field goals against South Carolina last week?

MD: Why do you keep bringing the Gamecocks into this? Their defense and Arkansas' aren't even in the same ballpark. The Hogs have finished last in the SEC in total defense two years running.

DD: You don't think they'll be any better this season? They've gotten a couple guys back who were injured all last year. And at this point it's not looking like we're gonna have A.J. Green for this game, either.



MD: They might be better, but not enough to matter. Even if we don't have A.J. back. The so-called "star" of their secondary, Ramon Broadway, is like a low-rent Deion Sanders -- runs his mouth nonstop but never bothers to hit anybody. Kris Durham's got eight inches on him, so I say we split him out wide and let Aaron Murray bomb away.

DD: OK, Durham did have a couple pretty sweet receptions last week.

MD: And we'll have both Washaun and Caleb in the backfield for the first time all season. I don't think Arkansas' defensive front is gonna be able to handle that. Outside of Jake Bequette on the end, their starting front four has, like, seven career starts between them.

DD: Honestly? You're kind of making a good case here. For our offense, at least. I mean, even I was impressed by what I saw from Aaron Murray last week. You can't deny the kid's got poise.

MD: Right?

DD: But I still can't shake this nagging feeling we're about to get ripped a new one by Mallett and the Arkansas offense. I mean, we did all right against Stephen Garcia thanks to our QB pressure, but when he was able to get his passes off, our guys got burned on more than one occasion.

MD: OK, Eeyore, let's hear your prediction.



DD: Mallett tests us deep, early and often. We get some OK pressure from Houston and Akeem Dent, but we don't have enough bodies to pressure him and cover all their receivers, 'cause if we double-cover any of their deep men, he'll just dump it off short to one of their tight ends or running backs, who are pretty good at catching passes out of the backfield, FYI. Eventually they build up a big enough lead that we have to go pass-heavy, and that neutralizes the advantage we've got by having both Washaun and Caleb in the game. It'll be close, but I think they hold us off on a last-gasp drive and win 42-37.

MD: Interesting. Here's what's actually going to happen: They don't score nearly that many points, partly because we manage to keep consistent pressure on Mallett, partly because we can run the ball consistently and keep their offense off the field period. So they're the ones who have to play catch-up in the second half, and since they're only gonna be so-so in the running game to begin with, we know what's coming and can goad Mallett into a turnover or two. They're due for some regression to the mean in turnover margin, and they fumbled it four times against UL-Monroe last week, so they're bound to give one or two back to us. Final score, Good Guys 55, Bad Guys 34.

DD: Good Guys fifty-five? Are you serious?

MD: Hey, we laid 52 on 'em last year in their own house. And there's every reason to believe our offense is better this year.

DD: OK, well, our two predictions average out to . . . a 46-38 Georgia victory. Wow, eight points. Well, all I can say is I hope you're right.

MD: If nothing else, a win that big is simple karma, baby.

DD: "Karma"? For what?

MD: For what Petrino did to the Falcons. If he's gonna show his face in this state, he deserves to get his ass handed to him by a team wearing red and black. That motherfucker shouldn't be allowed to win a game in the state of Georgia ever again.

DD: OK, that sentiment I can get behind.