The future's not so bleak in this wasteland.

The last six hours of 2008 and the first 16 of 2009 were, paradoxically, both highly satisfying and oddly frustrating for Bulldog Nation. They showed just how good the Dawgs -- particularly on defense -- could've been this past season, and at the same time made us ask why they weren't that good when they had the opportunity to be.

So let's start start with LSU-Georgia Tech in the Peach Bowl, New Year's Eve. First of all, I have to say thanks, Techies, for allowing us Dawg fans a double-dose of postseason schadenfreude. Not only did y'all get your asses turned out in your own backyard, but you reminded an entire nation once again just how obsessed you are with us. It takes one deeply ingrained inferiority complex to get so excited with yourselves over a single three-point win that you can't stay within five TDs of your next opponent.

But obviously that game induced glee and frustration in equal measure in Dawg fans, because no sane person could watch it without thinking, Why couldn't Georgia have done the same thing? Well, the answer is, we did do the same thing to 'em, in the first half, at least. All that tackling LSU was doing, the beautifully executed assignments, the swarming to the ball? We did that in the first half against Tech, and if we'd kept doing it, if we'd maintained even a modicum of focus on defense in the second half, I dare say we'd have beaten the Jackets almost as bad as LSU did. How we didn't, needless to say, remains a mystery, but none of the possible answers were especially pleasant: Did our coaches get complacent? Did our players just get temporarily distracted after building up a sizable lead, or are they temperamentally incapable of maintaining focus against an above-average opponent?


This is the fire we'd been hoping we'd see all along.

Even though it was several steps down from the national-title game we all hoped we'd be playing in, I thought the Capital One Bowl was a tremendously important game for us, because it'd lead us closer to an answer to that question. If we got back to the Georgia way of doing things, if we got aggressive again and actually tackled players like we actually cared about imposing our will upon them instead of merely grazing them, then it'd be not only a solid win but also a sign that our previous problems had been noticed and corrected. If we just played the same old lackadaisical ball we had over the last month of the regular season, though, then it'd be a sign that for all the shame and derision heaped upon us hadn't made a lick of difference in our actual play, and that there were fundamental problems in terms of our attitude and mindset that a single offseason, or even several offseasons, might not be able to fix. The former would merely mean an isolated, disappointing, but not disastrous season; the latter could potentially mean the kind of long-term slide that claims reputations and coaching jobs.

But the former came true, and the defense showed up. Not only showed up but dominated in many respects, and even saved the team on a number of occasions in the first half when the offense wasn't clicking, and who the hell thought they'd be saying that after this one was over? I think Westerdawg hit the nail on the head when he described our D as a unit that looked "tired of hearing all the bitching," but they also played like a unit whose coaches had taken great pains to address their most glaring specific problems. The run defense that had collapsed so completely down the stretch clamped down on one of the nation's leading rushers (Javon Ringer) to the tune of 20 rushes for 47 yards. Hell, we even discovered a pass rush for the first time all season. And the tackling that had been so half-assed and indifferent during the same period got its swagger back, almost to the point of looking like the best units from the VanGorder years. I wish I'd been keeping track of how many times MSU faced a third-and-middling-distance, Hoyer fired a high-percentage pass in the middle of the field, and the receiver caught it within inches of the first-down line, only to be met with bone-vaporizing force by a Georgia defender who wrapped him up and drove him backward to prevent him from stretching out for the first.


Rennie Curran: great linebacker, or greatest linebacker?

And while I'm not the first person to point this out -- Lord, I wish I was -- the shining moment of season-encompassing irony came late in the fourth quarter when Reshad Jones, poor maligned Reshad Jones, picked off MSU's last-gasp pass, was met by a Spartan player who bumped into him as hard as he could but didn't wrap him up . . . and kept on going. Let this be a lesson to you, Reshad: That shoulderbumping B.S. didn't work on you, it's not gonna work on too many people. Lecture over.

It wasn't a perfect game by any stretch -- pretty damned ugly, actually, depending on your standards, for the first two and a half quarters at least -- but I told one of my fellow Dawg fans after the game that if we were going to win by 12, much better that it be a 24-12 win than one by a score of, say, 48-36. The offense took a while to get started, but I think we've been given reason to be confident by now that any team with Stafford and Moreno on it is never too far from breaking out. The defense was the group that had the most to proved, and they proved it. This one game won't take Willie Martinez off the hot seat in a lot of people's eyes, but it did prove that the talent, the drive, and the coaching are all there, it's just a matter of getting them all to operate at 110 percent at the same time.

Can we count on that happening more often next year? I would hope so. Not to sound like I'm making excuses, but these things have been kind of cyclical for Georgia, as I'm sure they are for a lot of teams -- we had a disappointing year not unlike this one in 2004, massively exceeded expectations in '05, struggled mightily in '06, and bounced back heroically from a rough start last year before underwhelming again this year -- so it's not unreasonable to think next year comes with a certain amount of hope built in. Obviously that hinges on whether Moreno and Stafford come back; if we only get one of them then I think we can still manage, if we lose both then it's a de facto rebuilding year no matter how much experience we bring back at the other positions.


Obviously I hope he stays, but let's be real here, an NFL salary buys a ton of Legos.

But what might be an even more important factor as far as our long-term prospects are concerned is whether the coaches have "gotten it" as far as nailing down problems or bad techniques and taking steps to solve them rather than sitting back and hoping they work themselves out over time. I've praised our coaching staff many times for keeping a cool, level head through good times and bad, which I think is an asset much of the time, but at certain times -- and I think we saw plenty of them this year -- it manifests itself in a certain sort of inertia, a belief that they don't need to get in there and make a big stink and get in guys' faces, that talent will take care of it and it'll work itself out. Obviously, 2008 showed that that isn't true, and to some extent our coaching staff is still learning these things.

I can understand why a lot of people would find this frustrating after eight seasons, but let's keep in mind that Richt went straight from being an OC to being a head coach, meaning that he had a far steeper learning curve in Athens than either Nick Saban or Urban Meyer had at their current jobs, yet he's still managed to win six bowl games and rack up double-digit wins in six out of eight seasons. It'd take a pretty picky fan to complain too lustily about that, and I'm not that guy.


I dare say there's some fight left in him, too.

So it wasn't quite as inspiring an end to the season as the last couple years, but it was an emphatic win when our program was in need of one, it added another W to the Mark Richt Victory Watch, and it showed that our guys weren't content to fold up the tents after a disappointing season. The wait for Knowshon's and Stafford's decisions on what they're doing after this season will be tense, no doubt, but for right now, we've got a pride-regaining win and a 10-3 final record to distract us. I'll take it, and I hope the rest of Bulldog Nation will do the same.

Random thoughts as we count down the last few days of the season:

· If you'da told me before this bowl season that Notre Dame was gonna score 49 points, my first reaction would've been, "How many bowl games are they playing, anyway?" Knowing what I know now, of course, my question becomes: How bad does your secondary have to be to let Jimmy freakin' Clausen throw for 400 yards and five scores? I think the minor reputation of ND's opponent, combined with a 7-6 record, will be enough to keep the Irish out of the final polls next week, but I'm just unsure enough about that to be really pissed at Hawaii for putting me in this position.


Ol' Derek really is starting to resemble his dad.

sun · The game won't be popping up on ESPN Classic anytime soon, but I was really happy to see Dooley's Dawgs -- by which I mean Derek Dooley's Louisiana Tech Bulldogs -- beat Northern Illinois to secure LaTech's first bowl win in more than 30 years. And it was awesome to see Derek get carried off the field on the shoulders of his players just like his dad did at the Superdome on New Year's Day back in '81. Kid's going places, and I'm setting the over/under at 3 years before he gets a head-coaching job in a BCS conference.

· Fun story about the Papajohns.com Bowl, and don't make fun because THAT BOWL IS A LOCAL TREASURE AND IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO US, EVERYTHING -- a couple weeks before Christmas I got e-mailed by a Rutgers fan who was coming down for the bowl and wanted to know what there was to do in Birmingham on arguably the two shittiest going-out nights of the week. I surprised myself by coming up with a pretty robust list of restaurants and bars to check out at their leisure. The day before the game, I was getting out of church and saw that he'd e-mailed me to let me know they were gonna be at the 5 Points Grill that night, so I went down there to meet them.

Whereas the neighborhood had been mostly N.C. State fans earlier in the afternoon, the Grill was filled to capacity with Rutgers folk in varying stages of drunkitude, several of them liberated enough to be singing "Livin' on a Prayer" at the bar. (Hey, they're from Jersey, Bon Jovi is like their Skynyrd.) Not long after, one of the singers was like, "Hey, are you Doug?" and he directed me over to where the group was sitting. So I got plied with food and drink for a couple hours by a group of RU fans who'd come down for the game, and they were great. To Nick and the rest of his crew, thanks for coming all the way down here to the Salty 'Ham -- congrats on your win, and we hope you spent a ton of money here. (As you no doubt noticed, we kind of need a new stadium, stat.)


Hope the scoreboard operator brought a good book.

· I know the general consensus seems to be that it sucked giant hairy donkey balls, but I kind of wish I'd caught this one. Anything even more consistently inept than the Auburn-Mississippi State chess match from mid-September had to have been at least a little entertaining, if only in a hurl-snarky-Mystery-Science-Theatre-comments-at-the-screen kind of way.

· Congrats to Vandy, who locked down their first winning season since Reagan's first term and their first bowl victory since I'm not even gonna bother looking it up in the Music City Bowl. I'm not too proud to admit I never thought y'all would do it, not in a million years. IS A NEW POWER RISING IN THE EAST?!? (Answer: No, but that would be funny.)

· Good job, Georgia Tech, those "45-42" rings really did the . . . oh, wait, I've already mentioned this and gotten a whole sackful of laughs at Tech's expense? Oh. Carry on, then. Never mind.

· As I type this, I'm reminded of what Georgia could've done in the Capital One Bowl but didn't: go into the game disinterested, half-assed and refusing to take their opponent seriously. That's what Alabama looked like in the first quarter against Utah, and while they've chipped into Utah's early lead to pull within 21-10 at the half, their one first-half TD came on a punt return and they have yet to execute the kind of heroic, momentum-changing play that would indicate that they're serious about coming all the way back and winning this. I have no doubt that Saban ripped his guys multiple new assholes in the locker room, but this ain't Tennessee or Arkansas State, guys, this is a team that ain't lost yet and thus has very few reasons to believe they can't hang with y'all. Here's to an interesting second half.

UPDATED: Thud. Tide Nation, Kyle Whittingham officially drinks your milkshake. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what Finebaum's gonna be saying about this tomorrow?

The Friday Random Ten+5 doesn't want to tell you how to live your life, but . . .

It's the first Random Ten+5 of the new year, and ordinarily this'd be the time I bang out another set of New Year's resolutions for your readerly delectation. But you know what? I don't answer to you people, except in only the most vague and philosophical sense, and I don't need to go changin' to please any of you. Go hound some other poor bastard, you vultures. (Well, OK, I'll give you one resolution of mine: to be less confrontational. It's working great so far!)

Instead, I've got some advice for a few other people, because quite frankly, some of y'all out there could use it. Hence, this first +5 of '09 is Five New Year's Resolutions I Came Up With For Other People:



America's motorists: We resolve to use acceleration ramps/lanes properly
This problem seemed to be worse when I was living in Virginia -- actually, now that I think about it, most of the things I bitch about other motorists doing were more pronounced in Virginia than anyplace else I've ever lived. The central part of the state must just be bursting with terrible drivers. But anyway, people, if you're moving from a secondary or slower-moving road on to a primary or faster-moving one, such as an interstate, you're likely to find that even when your on-ramp actually connects with the road you're trying to get on, your lane continues for a few hundred feet more until it merges in with the rest of the traffic. Guess what? That handy li'l stretch of asphalt is for you to gun it a little so that you can be moving along at the same speed as the rest of traffic before your lane disappears; it is not intended to give you extra time to plead with other motorists to let you in when we're all going 75 and you're only going 40. Your pleas will fall on deaf ears, so for God's sake, sack up and use that right pedal. Oh, and if you come to a complete halt at the threshold of the freeway, refusing to use the acceleration lane at all, don't give me the finger when I go around you so that I can use the lane for the purpose for which it was intended. You're the mindless dicklick in this little scenario, not me.



Barack Obama: I resolve to not let myself get caught up in bullshit controversies
As good as we had it for the majority of Bill Clinton's presidency, it seems like some people have this memory of the period as bad because Bill was getting hit with scandals and controversies all the time, and I'm talking about the stuff that happened before he got his infamous knob-shine from Monica Lewinsky. Every other week the right wing would gin up some new, contrived scandal to involve him in, but Bill's problem was that he would either a) dignify it with a response, ensuring that it'd just be stretched out for another news cycle or two, or b) he would make himself look guilty by engineering a "cover-up" of a scandal that wasn't really a scandal to begin with. Whitewater, Filegate, blah blah blah. Barack, you're a smart guy and you've already done a good job of not giving the birth-certificate/stealth-Muslim conspiracy theorists any extra meat to chew on, but I'm advising you to keep this up once you actually become president, because it's probably only a matter of time before some asshole talk-radio host starts spreading a rumor that you only got Oprah's endorsement in exchange for some sexual servicing. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it.



The U.S. airline industry: We resolve to come up with a better system for boarding passengers
I've spent a lot more time than usual on airplanes the last few months, and I appreciate what Delta and other airlines are trying to do with this boarding by "zones" business, but that'd probably work a lot better if there were any rhyme or reason to it whatsoever. Like, why can't they board everyone in the back of the plane first, so that I don't have to stand in the aisle waiting for a bunch of people to wrestle their oversized bags into the overhead compartment before I can get to my seat? And why don't they board everybody with window seats first and aisle seats last, so that if I'm sitting in a window or middle seat I don't have to make people get up out of their seats so that I can get to mine, thereby clogging the aisle even more? See, this is the kind of thing you guys would think of if you weren't spending so much of your brain power coming up with ways to charge me extra for things (coughUSAirwayscough).



Mark Richt: I resolve to hire a dedicated special-teams coach.
Missed field goals, muffed punts, kickoffs out of bounds, subpar kickoff returns: As bad as our defense was over the last half of the season, our special teams were rarely any better, and I've gotta think that's partly because instead of having a single special-teams coordinator, our coaching staff handles special teams the way my high school handled 10th-grade social studies: "OK, Coach Gaither will handle first period, Coach Seifert will handle second and third periods, and . . . well, I guess whoever's available will handle fourth. Just teach 'em up enough that they don't completely tank on the PSATs, and we'll call it a day." A number of our defensive assistants are expected to handle some aspect of special teams in addition to the specific position they've already been assigned, and not only does that render special teams an afterthought, it hurts our defense because they're having to take time away from defensive coaching to mess with something they may or may not be qualified to handle. Dig into that big-ass athletic budget and hire us a special-teams guy, Mark, and everyone on your staff will be a lot happier for it.



All football announcers: I resolve to stop calling an end-around a reverse, and a reverse a double-reverse
If a player who's split wide runs toward the opposite side of the line, takes the handoff from the QB in the middle, and takes off running, it's not a reverse just because he went from one side of the field to the other; it's an end-around. And if he hands it off to another dude while he's running in that wide arc around the back of the formation, it's not a double-reverse, it's just a reverse, because the ball only changed direction once. I know all this, and I'm just some idiot with an Internet connection. It drives me nuts to hear all the highly paid commentators on TV who can't master these relatively simple distinctions. Then again, Thom Brennaman referred to Virginia Tech as West Virginia during the Orange Bowl last night -- exactly one year to the day after calling Knowshon Moreno a Florida Gator, now that I think about it -- so maybe I'm putting the cart wayyyy before the horse here. Some of these guys may need to handle remedial English (and learn to check a roster) before we get started feeding them actual playbooks.

Well, I don't know about you, but I certainly feel better! Got all that, world? You may now begin living up to my expectations.

Oh, and here's the Ten:

1. The Farm, "Rising Sun"
2. Underworld, "Rez/Cowgirl" (live)
3. Pet Shop Boys, "Go West" (Kevin Saunderson tribe mix)
4. Groove Armada, "At the River" (English Riviera mix)
5. Pet Shop Boys, "This Must Be the Place I Waited Years to Leave"
6. Rose Royce, "Car Wash"
7. The Pharcyde, "Hard Times"
8. KRS-One, "The MC"
9. The Beastie Boys, "What Comes Around"
10. The Chemical Brothers, "Don't Stop the Rock" (Electronic Battle Weapon version)

All right, folks, now it's time for your Random Tens and/or resolutions you've come up with for other people. Anyone at all. Only not me, I'm doing fine, thanks.

Auld lang whaaaa?

I saw this live last night and am posting it up here to prove to y'all I'm not crazy and that it actually happened.

Happy New Year/Štastný nový rok to one and all . . .

. . . and merry Constitution Day to the great nation of Slovakia, which celebrates 16 years of swingin' independence today. The nation is thus empowered to drive a car all by itself.

Slovakia's current reigning Most Famous Person, tennis player Daniela Hantuchova, reciprocates thusly: "Děkuji a všetko najlepšie k Bulldog zadok-výprask v Capital One Bowl." Go translate it yourself, I got games to watch and a ton of food to cook.

"At least it's not Goofy."

You can find some very interesting things going through practice reports, and I found a good one whilst digging around for info for the Michigan State preview below. Peep this nugget from the end of Macon Telegraph blogger David Hale's Saturday practice notes:

-- Georgia's players visited Disney World on Saturday, something [Asher] Allen said he hadn't done since he was 8 or 9 years old. The cornerback said he had good memories from his last trip, however, and was hoping to relive a few this time around.

"I'll talk to Minnie Mouse," he said, "and rekindle some flames."

"Rekindle some flames," huh? Wow . . . first the revelation that Knowshon Moreno is a Lego enthusiast, now we have Asher Allen revisiting his grade-school dream of gettin' his swerve on with Minnie Mouse. Maybe we can hope this childlike enthusiasm will carry over into the Capital One Bowl itself, and we'll tackle with abandon like a bunch of nine-year-olds convinced of their own invulnerability rather than like a bunch of geriatrics who are loath to make full contact for fear of breaking a hip.

And I say all this as someone who has vague memories of a crush on Smurfette circa age four or so, so it's not like I'm judging here.

Stuck inside of O-Town with the Miami blues again: the Michigan State preview.

This! Is! SPARTYYYY!!!!

Hometown: East Lansing, Mich.

Last season: Not half bad, actually, considering they were coming off of four seasons of John L. Smith-induced suck; started with a 4-0 sweep of their out-of-conference opponents, then kind of hit a wall as they went 3-5 in Big Ten play, but ended up in the Champs Sports Bowl and came within a field goal of knocking off 10-3 Boston College.

The season thus far: After losing by a TD to California on the road in their season opener, reeled off six straight wins before getting blown off the field by Ohio State. Won another three straight, including their first victory in Ann Arbor since 1990, before getting whacked again in their regular-season finale at Penn State. Currently 9-3 (6-2 Big Ten), 19th in the Associated Press poll, 18th in the coaches', and 18th in the BCS.

Hate index, 1 being novelist Donna Tartt, 10 being Florida offensive lineman Jim Tartt: Erm . . . I'll say five? Honestly, I pay so little attention to the Big Ten on a day-to-day basis that it's hard to gin up a whole lot of hate for any of 'em. As a declared Michigan fan, I guess I should have nothing but contempt for Sparty, but they do appear to have gotten it together after a period of thorough dysfunction immediately following the Nick Saban era, so I guess I'm a little happy for 'em. But it's still imperative that we kick their asses.

Associated hottie: Model/actress Tracey McCall earned her bachelor's degree in communications from MSU and went on to appear on TV shows such as "Gilmore Girls" and "Dr. Vegas," as well as a pilot of a show called "Young MacGyver" (?). But it'd be hard to top her big-screen debut, which was in "Not Another Teen Movie" playing the part of "Locker Room Girl."



OK, a swimsuit's one thing, but a swimsuit and boots? That's seminudity we can believe in, my friends.

What excites me: Calling Michigan State's offense "one-dimensional" might be a bit much, but if the stats are any indication, they're one-and-a-half-dimensional at best. On the one hand, you've got Javon Ringer, the nation's third-leading rusher with 1,590 yards (132.5 per game) racked up at a 4.3-ypc clip and 21 touchdowns; on the other you've got quarterback Brian Hoyer, who's passed for 2,235 yards with a completion percentage of just over 50 percent and who has nine TDs against eight picks, for a passer-efficiency rating that's 88th in D-IA. That isn't Reggie Ball territory, but it's hardly the stuff of legends, and it greatly simplifies the challenge Willie Martinez faces as a defensive coordinator, particularly given Sparty's lack of any true game-breaking receivers (they have a grand total of five individual 80-yard receiving games this season, while Georgia, by comparison, has 10).

Here's something interesting I found out while looking into all this, though: At 59th in the nation, MSU's passing game is actually ranked higher than their running game, which is only 67th. That tells me two things: One, there isn't a lot of depth behind Ringer at tailback -- Michigan State is only getting an average of 10.5 rushing yards per game from rushers not named Ringer, whereas Georgia is getting about 44 per game from rushers other than Knowshon -- and two, Ringer can be contained by the right defense. Michigan State faced seven BCS-conference opponents this season who were good enough to earn bowl invites, and here's how he did against five of them:

vs. Penn State: 17 carries for 42 yards
vs. Ohio State: 16 carries for 67 yards
vs. Wisconsin: 21 carries for 54 yards
vs. Cal: 27 carries for 81 yards
vs. Iowa: 25 carries for 91 yards

In the other two games, Ringer put up 201 yards against Notre Dame (46th-ranked run defense in the nation) and 124 against Northwestern (34th). Otherwise, none of his hundred-yard rushing games came against teams that finished the regular season with a winning record. Even after the debacle against Georgia Tech, Georgia's run defense is holding at 39th in the nation (just a tick under 130 yards allowed per game), so on paper, at least, Ringer's not going to be able to go nuts the way he did against, say, Florida Atlantic.

On the defensive side of the ball, there's not a lot to get excited about if you're a Michigan State fan. At 71st in the nation, MSU's is statistically the worst run defense Knowshon Moreno will have faced all year, allowing 147.6 yards per game; their pass defense was only slightly better at 210.3 yards per game/62nd (on our schedule, only LSU's was worse). The Spartans aren't in the top 25 nationally in any major defensive category, and they only break the top 50 in pass-efficiency defense (26th), scoring defense (40th), and tackles for loss (40th with just over six per game). Obviously it would suck royally to lose either Stafford or Moreno to the pros after this season (to say nothing of both), but if they're looking for a game in which to roll up some impressive numbers and impress the NFL scouts, this isn't a bad opponent to face.


DEEFENTS: UR DOIN IT WRONG.

What worries me: All of the vulnerabilities I pointed out in Michigan State's power running attack basically hinge on one caveat: whether Georgia re-learns how to tackle sometime between now and New Year's Day. Y'all were watching the Bulldogs over the last half of the season just like I was, so it's not like this is shocking information to any of you, but our run defense completely imploded over the last month and a half of the season. After not allowing a single opponent to go over 150 yards rushing through the first seven games, we let four of our last five opponents do it; after allowing a mere 427 rushing yards total through those first seven games, at an average of only 2.4 yards per carry, we gave up 1,132 over the last five games at an even five yards per rush. (Take out the eye-gouging statistical outlier of the Georgia Tech game and it was still 4.2 yards per carry.) So even if the equation here is as simple as "If Georgia's defense shows up, we win," we still have no idea if the Dawgs are going to actually, you know, show up. Mark Richt has made the right noises over the past few weeks about recognizing where the defense went off the rails and making some needed adjustments in practice, but you'll have to pardon me if I take a decidedly "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude toward such things; watching Georgia Tech reel off 400 rushing yards against you will do that to a guy.

Because the letdown opportunity here is big enough as it is. I mean, here's a team frontloaded with an entire NFL draft round's worth of talent and sporting the preseason #1 ranking; no offense, Orlando, but you think any of these guys were giddy with anticipation over the Capital One Bowl at the start of this season? I've probably invoked the specter of "Kansas State Syndrome" on this blog (and others) more times than anyone ever cared to read, but sorry, folks, sometimes it just bears repeating: When a team goes into a low- or even mid-tier bowl thinking it deserved better, their chances of losing increase dramatically. We've seen it happen time and time again, and we've got to be on upset alert this time around whether we want to be or not.

Player who needs to step up: For the first time this season, I'm going to pick someone who's a) not actually a player and b) not actually a single individual at all: the people who most need to step up on Thursday are the entire coaching staff. Everybody from Richt on down has been catching hell for nearly a solid month about how the team looked so unprepared in its big games this season, they've been stung by the way de-emphasizing full contact in weekday practices backfired on the team down the stretch, so now's their time to show they can still gin up the ol' Erk Russell-style intensity and get the players back to Getting After That Ass once again. Only problem is, they'll have to do it at a time when some of their guys are at risk of focusing more on the bowl they're not playing in (i.e. the BCS National Championship) than the one that they are. There will be no black jerseys this time around, Mark, there will be no end-zone celebrations or championships to shoot for -- y'all are gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way.

What I think will happen: Am I worried about this game? Yes. Throw out Georgia's statistical superiority in just about every category, throw out even our talent edge, which at first glance, at least, is pronounced. We had both of those in spades against South Carolina, Kentucky, and Auburn, just to name three right off the top of my head, yet we still ended up sweating blood (or bullets? bullets of blood?) right down to the very final seconds against each of those opponents. So I'll have none of this "Oh, whatever, it's the Big Ten" talk that I've been hearing from a number (though by no means the majority) of Georgia fans. If you thought losing to Georgia Tech and coughing one up to the ACC was embarrassing, imagine following that up by coughing one up to the Big 10 after two straight years of "Will the Big 10 ever stop embarrassing itself against the SEC?" talk.


I'd much rather have a scoreboard that looks like this (without the Gators, of course).

But here's one reason why I'm cautiously optimistic about this particular bowl: Georgia teams under Mark Richt have done a remarkably good job of avoiding the K-State Syndrome I referenced earlier. In 2003, we got bumped down to the Capital One Bowl after getting housed in the SEC title game by LSU, and still managed to roll up a 24-0 lead before, er, losing focus a bit and having to win the thing in overtime. Last year, of course, we were miffed at losing out on a spot in the national-title game, but still managed to rip an admittedly inferior Hawaii team every bit as many new assholes as people said we should've on paper. In fact, the bowl we probably should've been most grateful for -- the '06 Sugar, following our out-of-nowhere SEC-title run -- we came out pancake-flat and got embarrassed by West Virginia. So I'm going to go ahead and have a little faith in Richt's ability to keep the team motivated here.

Motivation, though, is one thing; tackling is a little more concrete. And I don't need to remind anyone that we haven't been real good at that lately. Going back to highly edifying transcript from a post-GT edition of the "Bulldog Hotline" show, Richt appears to have recognized that he and the rest of the coaching staff backed off full-contact tackling drills too much in practice this season in the name of tiptoeing around injuries. So hopefully the team will be a little bit toughened up in that area this week, but there's no way to be sure until the game actually begins.


Just a quick visual aid as to what an effective tackle looks like.

I think there's great potential for Georgia to get off to a fast start -- whatever the Michigan State players try to tell themselves, Georgia is both way more balanced and a step faster on offense than the majority of the teams they've faced so far this season. If Ohio State's offense, slumming it at 78th in the nation (tied with Tulane), can unload 45 points on the Spartans, then I should think Georgia would be capable of at least that much damage. The problem is that over the last few games, Georgia has let a fast (or at least solid) start go by the wayside. They were down only 7-3 to Florida midway through the second quarter, then let the Gators score the next 42 points; they needed less than eight minutes to put up a 14-0 lead on Kentucky, but found themselves having to claw their way back from three separate deficits in the second half; and I'm sure we all remember vividly how Georgia's 28-12 halftime lead over Tech was vaporized by a fusillade of outside pitches and crappy arm-tackles. Whatever Richt and the coaching staff do to get the Dawgs pumped up for this game, it'll be all for naught if they fail to remember that that motivation job has to last the full 60 minutes.

So if Georgia plays the full 60 minutes and gives their best effort, I think Westerdawg's right: We put up a bunch of points and roll by a multiple-TD margin. There is, however, precedent for the Dawgs to only play one half, and if that happens then I think we're more likely to come out strong but tail off in the second half. MSU's best scoring quarter this season, on average, was the fourth, while they allowed their fewest points in the third quarter. So it'd take a pretty substantial halftime lead (assuming we're fortunate enough to have one at all) to make me feel like the game is well in hand.

I can see Georgia shooting out to another fast start, but getting slowed down a bit as Ringer gets into a rhythm and starts wearing down our defense with some long, pound-it-between-the-tackles scoring drives. As much as I'd like to think the defense is going to come up with a bravura performance to atone for its November embarrassments, I just can't force myself to get too hopeful about any defense that's averaged 36 points allowed over its last five games. I think we've got more than enough firepower to stay ahead of the Spartans on the scoreboard, but not enough in the tank defensively to pull away decisively, and if we do have a lead in the final minutes of the game it's not likely to be more than a TD -- but I envision Knowshon taking the reins on a late drive and grinding enough time off the clock that the Spartans are unable to come up with a response.


At Georgia, we don't just grind the clock, we do it in style.

Whether it's by one score or five, though, a win is a win, and it'd give us double-digit wins for the sixth time in Mark Richt's eight seasons. It'd be an inspiring way to end an often frustrating season -- and, God willing, a positive momentum-builder for what could be (if we catch a couple lucky breaks personnel-wise, please oh please oh please) an excellent 2009.

If you're trash-talking: Mark Dantonio appears to have ably pulled the Michigan State conestoga wagon out of the ditch John L. Smith steered it into from 2003 to 2006, for which he deserves his props, but God bless him, the man makes Tom Coughlin look relaxed and free-spirited. Here's the true, horse's-mouth-fresh story of the benching of starting offensive guard Joel Foreman back in November:

EAST LANSING -- The question posed to Mark Dantonio created a moment of awkward silence Sunday night inside Michigan State's Skandalaris Football Center.

Why did left guard Mike Bacon start Saturday over Joel Foreman against Wisconsin?

"Well, do you really want to know or do you want me to give you some fabricated, made-up story?" Dantonio asked. "(Foreman) didn't have a tie on, OK? He didn't have a tie on."

Ties are required accessories for every player on Saturdays to complement suits worn during the team's traditional pregame walk from its on-campus hotel to Spartan Stadium.

"That speaks to the discipline of the program," Dantonio said. "He didn't have a tie on so he didn't start. That hurts our football team, but that's the way it's going to be."

Yup, he benched a guy for not wearing a tie whilst walking from the hotel to the stadium. This before a game in which MSU ended up trailing a 4-5 team at halftime (at home) and had to kick a last-minute field goal to win by one point. I love a coach whose priorities are in order.


Now THAT'S what Mark Dantonio calls a football player, son!

Why you should root for Georgia even if you don't care about this game: Well, because first of all, I think we should all be loath to root for any team whose coach puts neckwear before actual, demonstrated on-the-field talent. But for you SEC partisans out there, this is another vital opportunity for the conference to defend its honor against the lumbering dinosaurs of the Big 10. And if you don't even care about the conferences, then . . . cheer for us because our colors are better and our mascot's cuter. Or something. I don't know.

I will run up and down Highland Avenue in front of my apartment building wearing nothing but a Georgia flag if: Georgia scores at least 40 points and holds MSU under 20. That'd be, by definition, at least a three-TD victory, and I need something like that after a disappointing season in which I've only gotten to do the flag run once (after the LSU game). But if we pull something like a 42-17 curb-stomping on Sparty, then I will head straight outside with my Georgia flag and do the deed, even though Weather.com says it'll probably only be in the low 50s by that point. And there will be pictures. Whether that prompts you to root against a Georgia blowout is up to you, but that's the deal.

Life's funny sometimes, and by "funny" I mean "a complete bitch."

Washington goes 8-8, finishes last in the NFC East, misses the playoffs.

San Diego goes 8-8, finishes first in the AFC West, not only makes the playoffs but gets a first-round game at home.

I don't know why I even bother following the NFL anymore. When it's gotten so bad you can't even fully enjoy a complete implosion by the Cowboys, you know you're having the very life sucked out of you. Even my fantasy team tanked the last couple of weeks, which just happened to be the playoffs, so it's not like I could even scrape any vicarious enjoyment off of a few individual players.

I guess it's go Falcons/Colts from here on out, assuming I even bother getting out of bed on Sundays. But at least Vince's kid won something, which was heartening. Mark my words: Derek's gonna be the next coach at Arkansas when Petrino finally bolts for the Notre Dame job. You heard it here first.

UPDATED TO KEEP ME OFF THE LEDGE: OK, this was kinda teh awesome.

I'm the richest man in Bedford Falls!, etc.

Now that I've gone back through the books and talked about some of my favorite Christmas presents from years past, here's one of the best things I got this year:

ORLANDO, Fla. — While Auburn announced several additions to its coaching staff Friday, one coach who won’t be joining the Tigers is Stacy Searels.

Georgia head coach Mark Richt announced Friday that Searels, the Dogs’ offensive line coach, will remain at Georgia after his alma mater, Auburn, had shown interest for a position on their staff.

Major daps to the UGA athletic department for recognizing that Searels has probably already become the crown jewel of our staff of assistants and for dumping whatever amount of money in his lap that it took to keep him. If Searels could take our diabolically banged-up O-line this year and coach them to a mere 15 sacks allowed (good for 20th in D-IA) and another 1,300-yard rushing season for Knowshon Moreno, I'm really excited to think of what he might be able to do next year when we aren't having to start a near-constant M*A*S*H unit on the line of scrimmage. It's probably greedy (and, paradoxically, naive) to wonder if this might have some sort of influence on getting Knowshon and Stafford to stick around for another year, but we can always hope.

The Friday Random Ten+5 really raked it in this year.

Sorry for the relative lateness of this Random Ten+5 -- I've spent much of the day sleeping off Thursday's gift-wrap-shreddin', present-openin' excitement, not to mention numerous helpings of holiday wassail. (Know who makes awesome wassail? George Dickel. I'm just saying.) Now, as I've already admitted, the Lego Taj Mahal was not sitting underneath the tree when I lumbered downstairs Thursday morning, but I can't really complain, given that I've gotten much more than my share of awesome presents during my 30.5 years on this planet (plus it's not like I can expect my parents to feed my Lego habit at quite the same rate they did when I was 9). I've looked back over my most vivid Christmas-morning memories and picked out some of the best loot I've ever received, and this week's +5 is the Five Best Christmas Presents I've Ever Gotten.



In-dash car CD player (1996, I think)
The first brand-new car I ever owned was a Chrysler Neon in 1995, which was just about the time when CD players started becoming standard equipment on mainstream automobiles. They hadn't quite trickled down to Neon level, though, so I made do with a tape player for about a year and a half before the folks finally broke down and got me a CD unit that would match the absurdly large stereo openings typical of Chrysler dashboards of that era. This CD player rapidly achieved notoriety amongst my group of friends for having a totally over-the-top equalizer display that had to have been designed by an engineer who was once the world's biggest and most devoted fan of "Knight Rider."



Cabbage Patch Kid astronaut (1985)
The special-edition "astronaut" series of Cabbage Patch Kids came out at a time when the popularity bell-curves of both Cabbage Patch Kids and the space program were miraculously hitting their glorious peaks simultaneously; my brown-haired little boy came with a space suit, EVA pack, and helmet, all of which I had ambitions of wearing as an astronaut myself someday. About a month later, the Challenger blew up on live national TV, and it probably wasn't much longer after that that Cabbage Patch Kids went from "must-have toy" to "Jeopardy question," but still, it was a nice run for both of 'em while it lasted.



#4 Georgia jersey (1998)
These days, you can only get a replica UGA jersey if you want a #24 or a #7, but back in the day you could get a #4, which just happened to be my birthday, my lucky number, and the number of my favorite Georgia player, two-way demigod Champ Bailey. The lucky jersey made its debut at the 1998 Peach Bowl, in which Georgia stormed back from an early 21-0 hole to beat a ranked Virginia team, and achieved a 68-22 record (0.756) over the ensuing decade's worth of games. (Yes, I kept track. How else would I be able to determine whether it was lucky or not?)



Game Boy (1989)
I don't exactly have a great track record of getting cool electronic gadgets before everyone else gets them -- in fact, I think that track record is pretty much limited to the 3G iPhone and this, which my parents were kind enough to bestow upon my undeserving ass back when I was in seventh grade. This made me just the second (as opposed to, say, 27th) kid in my neighborhood to get one, and I quickly developed a fearsome reputation for schooling punk suckas who acted like they knew at Tetris (via the Game Link cable that let you play such games head-to-head with fellow Game Boy owners, which I'm sure was like the absolute pinnacle of video-game technology back in the late '80s).



Optimus Prime (1984)
Everyone has that first special childhood toy that they can specifically remember lusting after, and this was mine. It was the start of a Transformers collection whose value probably grew into the thousands of dollars by the time I got old enough to turn my primary attention from toys to chicks and cars, which is a saga that I'm sure will be familiar to my male readers of a certain age. (Remember when "Transformers: The Movie" came out in 1986 and an entire nation of little boys was reduced to quavering tears by the "death" of Optimus Prime? In a weird, calculated way, that movie was the "Brian's Song" of our generation and we all know it.) Anyway, I've dug back through my memory banks and just haven't quite been able to come up with any holiday memories that quite top the excitement of tearing this bad boy open on Christmas morning. Optimus Prime rocked, period.

And now the Ten, courtesy of Mr. iPhone:

1. Radiohead, "Where I End and You Begin (The Sky Is Falling In)"
2. Kraak and Smaak, "Il Serpente"
3. Radiohead, "Paranoid Android"
4. David Holmes, "My Mate Paul"
5. The Chemical Brothers, "Marvo Ging"
6. Röyksopp, "Follow My Ruin"
7. Nicola Conte, "Bossa Per Due" (Thievery Corporation remix)
8. R.E.M., "At My Most Beautiful"
9. Spoon, "The Way We Get By"
10. Dan Bern, "Tiger Woods"

Your turn, kids. Let me hear your fondest memories of Christmas loot (and your Random Tens) in the comments, assuming you're not too busy riding your Big Wheels up and down the driveway.

One more 'cuz it's Christmas.

The spirit of giving is in the air, plus the Hey Jenny Slater Salute to the Sexy Santa Costume will always have room for Stacy Keibler.



All right, so what'd everybody get for Christmas? I picked up a digital camera, a red-and-black argyle sweater that will soon be the envy of Georgia tailgates across the Southeast, and a bunch of DVDs to begin the process of replacing my far-bigger-than-it-ought-to-be cassette collection; I did not, however, get the Lego Taj Mahal. So if any of y'all did, just don't tell me. I'm better off not knowing.

'Twas three days before Christmas, and all through the house . . .

. . . aw, the hell with it, I don't have time to write a whole frickin' "The Night Before Christmas" parody. I do, however, have time for Hey Jenny Slater's annual tribute to the Sexy Santa costume.

This year, instead of Alessandra Ambrosio, we kick off with Heidi Klum singing "Santa Baby."





As I'm typing this, it's 29 degrees in Birmingham. So she'd be very cold if she was wearing that right now.



Michelle Monaghan in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," which I've never actually seen but meant to because I heard it was good (and not just because of the Sexy Santa-ing).



An Arizona Cardinals cheerleader who looks a hell of a lot better than her team did last Sunday.



A Carolina Panthers cheerleader, ditto.



And I guess this is kind of stretching the definition of "Sexy Santa costume," but Lucy Pinder (left) gets special dispensation. And it's my blog, so lay off.

Merry Christmas, dorks -- drive safe if you're traveling this holiday season, but once you get where you're going, eat too much and get fucking wasted. Do it for the children.

The Friday Random Ten+5 sells out.

One of my early New Year's resolutions (or resolution-like substance) is to get off my fat ass and put some real effort into making some money off the crap that I write -- double up on my freelancing efforts, sell a short story or two, finally buckle down and dig into the football novel I've had the idea to write for like a decade now. Theoretically, that could also include making some more money off this blog -- I mean, I have a little trickle of cash coming in every few months from the Google ads you see on this site, which I'm grateful for, but it could stand to be kicked up a notch. Is this site reputable enough to bring in some cash through direct editorial endorsements of various products and services? Ehh, probably not, but Todd at Roll Bama Roll evidently thinks his is, because he took the bold step earlier this week of singling out some brands he would gladly (and blatantly) shill for in exchange for a certain amount of that company's products. Kind of like a barter system, in other words, and I'm totally down with that. Cash doesn't necessarily need to change hands here, just some products whose regular (and free) presence could markedly improve my standard of living. So take a look, corporate America (and other countries), because I'm ready to start making deals here. And this week's +5 is Five Products I'd Be More Than Happyth To Shill For On A Trade Basis:



Zaxby's
Todd is 100-percent right about this one -- there ain't a single thing on their menu that I couldn't eat every day. In fact, Zaxby's came up in conversation at the office the other day and I determined that if I was stranded on a deserted island and could only have one kind of food washing up in crates on the shore every now and then, it'd be Zaxby's chicken fingers. Along with an advertising/endorsement trade deal, I'll even throw in a free marketing idea for you, guys: Start selling breakfast. Go head-to-head with Chick-fil-A in the chicken-biscuit arena; the tougher competition will make both companies work harder to create an even more perfect product, and the consumer will benefit. There; you can drop my block of gift certificates in the mail whenever it's convenient.



Cherry Coke Zero
The discovery of this wonderful concoction in my office was treated with the same wide-eyed enthusiasm I imagine mankind displayed when he first figured out how to create fire. It doesn't have any calories, but it doesn't have the bitter artificial-sweetener taste of a traditional diet drink, and to my mind it actually tastes better than regular Coke because it isn't so sugary sweet I think I'm giving myself diabetes every time I take a sip. I'm not a huge soft-drink consumer to begin with, but I figure if Coke sends my office a 12-pack every week we can call it even.



Jaguar Cars Ltd.
I still love my VW, but it'll be 10 years old next August, and it's probably a good time to at least start putting feelers out about possible replacements. And the Jaguar XF -- the supercharged replacement for the old S-Type that was named to Car and Driver's 10Best list in its first year of production -- is at the top of my list. Jaguar, you don't even have to give me one, just lend it to me for a year and I'll still give you all the free press you can stand. When that year is up, we can talk about re-upping the deal, but at the very least I'll have paid off my credit cards to the point where I can actually think about absorbing a car payment again.



Southwest Airlines
I flew SWA out to Arizona back in September and it was a pretty good experience, but I didn't really think a whole lot of it until I boarded a US Airways flight out to Los Angeles two months later. In addition to the $300-something US Airways charged me for a ticket, they charged me $15 to check a suitcase and another two bucks for a Coke on the Charlotte-L.A. leg. Yup, you don't even get so much as a Coke or a packet of peanuts without forking over some cash. Meanwhile, Southwest doesn't charge for the first two checked bags, doesn't charge extra for window or aisle seats, and slings free soft drinks all day long. Guys, between that and Birmingham's status as a secondary hub, you had me at "hello," and for the comparatively low cost of one free round-trip ticket per month you can plaster ads all over this site until you're blue in the face.



Stoli Blakberi
For those of you who caught one of my Facebook updates earlier in the week, this is the brew I was drinking straight at our office Christmas party at my editor's house. Knowing my history with vodka, it's a wonder I'm still employed as of this writing, but man, what wonderful stuff. It's just sweet enough that you can drink it straight even if you're not a drunk like myself, it has a nice aroma, and it makes for a vodka tonic that's damn near the nectar of the gods. Stoli has been my brand for a while now, but guys, you've outdone yourselves -- now your job is to keep a regular supply of this stuff coming my way so that I can extol its many virtues and come up with new recipes to spread far and wide. My next concept? The vodka float -- one half-fill glass of Blakberi, add a splash of Ocean Spray cran-raspberry juice, dump in a big heapin' scoop of vanilla ice cream (or, alternatively, this), float away on a cloud of ecstasy. I think y'all hear me knockin', and I think I'm comin' in.

My pockets are empty, my hand is out, my principles have temporarily been suspended -- let's do this, people. And now the Ten:

1. The Chemical Brothers, "Song to the Siren"
2. Pet Shop Boys, "So Hard" (The KLF vs. Pet Shop Boys remix)
3. BT, "Deeper Sunshine"
4. The Clash, "Should I Stay or Should I Go"
5. INXS, "Need You Tonight"
6. Underworld, "To Heal"
7. Underworld, "EssGee"
8. Orbital, "Waving Not Drowning"
9. Pet Shop Boys, "It Must Be Obvious" (UFO mix)
10. Bananarama, "Venus"

Your turn to make that pitch, readers -- Random Tens and/or naked appeals to major corporations for mutual marketing-centered back-scratching go in the comments.

A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:We have a winner (and more than a few wieners).

• First things first: The Big Ass Pick'Em Group, the official pick'em goup of Hey Jenny Slater, has a winner, and she is . . . a Gator fan. (Son of a bitch, those people win everything. Everything.) All hail Jamie Barnhart (who can be seen here in a photo that has "Hot Chicks with Douchebags" written all over it), a Florida native and ex-Navy SEAL who strolled into the final week with an insurmountable lead and will be taking home the grand prize of one (1) piece of gently used Georgia memorabilia that I dig out of my closet. She also gets this shout-out at Hey Jenny Slater, which is the kind of name-check you can't put a price on. Congratulations, Jamie, and don't say I never gave you anything.

(O bai the wai: You can still join the exciting sequel to the 2008 Big Ass Pick'Em Group, also known as the 2008 Big Ass College Bowl Pick'Em Group. Instructions on how to join here. Seriously, it's so easy even Jay Jacobs couldn't fuck it up.)

• Second things second: Legos turned 50 this year, so y'all better act like you know. And what better way to mark this momentous occasion than to buy me this or this? No, I'm not letting go of this so you can stop asking. Why? Because Legos are hardcore. How hardcore? This hardcore:



• Separated at birth: Gene Chizik and former Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tenn.)?



And will Chizik do to the Auburn program what Frist managed to do to the Republican majority in the Senate? Alabama fans can only hope so.

• College football headline of the year, courtesy of the ever-vigilant EDSBS:



• Barack Obama: Pimpin' president, or the pimpin'est president?





Link courtesy of Mac G, who, as a Hawkeyes fan, is perhaps even more amused by the Chizik hire than the rest of us are.

• And now for some YouTubeage: Two manifestly terrible Christmas gift ideas, the first of which apparently comes to you from the makers of the Ronco Pocket Bukkakinator.



I wonder if any of the kids in that commercial grew up to be this guy? Then there's the following wonderful family game:



The soundtrack and voice-over from that ad were sampled in a track on DJ Shadow's debut album Endtroducing... a decade or so ago. When I first heard it, I thought Shadow had to have made it up, but no, it turns out it's real. Finding out where the hell that came from was like a little Christmas present coming a few days early.