Thursday, January 14

Once again, it's time to get loathsome.

Back at the beginning of 2007 I did a fairly self-explanatory series titled "The 50 Most Loathsome People in College Football." (Yes, an idea blatantly ripped from the Buffalo Beast's beloved annual feature. I only ever said I was hilarious and insightful, I never said I was original.) At the time I guess I figured it was something that could be whipped out every few years or so, and looking back over that now, the start of a new decade seems like a perfect time to open up nominations and lay into the people doing their level best to suck all our enjoyment out of the greatest sport of all time.

Obviously, I'm already putting a list together of the people who belong in there, but any list like this should be a participatory exercise, so I want y'all's suggestions as well -- anyone who by word or deed has been a blot on the landscape of college football. The parameters for inclusion here are pretty broad; it can be an asshole coach, prima donna player, smug broadcaster/columnist, or incompetent administrator of some sort; it can even be a douchebag blogger or celebrity hanger-on who somehow keeps being invited to show up at games or in the broadcast booth despite adding nothing to the proceedings. Anyone who, by their mere association, has taken away just a little bit of your enjoyment of our favorite fall pursuit.

Keep in mind, though, that we're talking about the most loathsome people, so we want to try to keep our primary focus on the most macro offenses. A coach who loudly proclaimed his own brilliance and superiority while driving a program into the ground? Worthy of inclusion. The dicklick whose season tickets are directly behind yours and who grouses incessantly about every single play call, even the ones that end up scoring? Probably not quite on the level I'm talking about. Likewise, when making the case for a particularly loathsome individual, try to focus on the things that would arouse the ire of the broadest possible spectrum of CFB fans. A defensive back who forced your favorite player to fumble in the most critical game of the season? Ehh, that kid was just doing what he was supposed to do. If that defensive back later beat up his girlfriend, left early for the NFL while trashing his team on the way out, and left his old program on NCAA probation because of cash payments he was taking while he was enrolled there, OK, now we're talking.

Put your nomination(s) in the comments thread, along with any supporting information you feel might bolster their case as a particularly loathsome boil on the ass of college football; I'll be accepting nominations right up until, oh, let's say Saturday the 23rd (i.e. one week from tomorrow). And I'll try to get the full list put up by the end of the month. I can't promise you your nomination will end up making the final cut, but they'll at least get a hearing.

Now let the rage begin!


The Ghost of Jay Cutler said...

I think you've gotta have Houston Nutt on there, simply because the entire population of Arkansas has a collective aneurysm whenever he appears on television. Whether or not their hatred for him is justified doesn't mean it's not there.

Holly said...

L'Orgeron gets some sort of special jury prize, right? Auto-ballot?

Universal Remonster said...

I'd like to include Mark Bradley. Oh, and Dan Hawkins.

Rusty said...

The more interesting contest would probably be "Most Loathsome People Other than Kiffy and Coach O since they're shitsucking scumbags who are less ethical and liked than Jay Leno, and who'd fuck their mothers in the ass and/or would be willing to spray abandoned puppies in a kennel with battery acid to climb the coaching ladder."

Not bitter at all.

ajay said...

Rich Rodriguez... or is that too obvious?

Kevin said...


Tommy said...

Building on Rusty's point, this is going to be a tad anticlimactic, since Kiffin/Orgeron are lead pipe locks for the top two spots.

Other contenders:
Rogers Redding. Basically, anyone associated with SEC officiating.
Pete Carroll
Thom Brennaman
Whoever the fuck sent Ron Franklin to the Big XII.
Mike Hamilton
Paul Johnson
Joe Barton

Jen said...

Desmond Howard.

For this:

Tommy said...

Re: Mike Hamilton, for the following:
1. Hiring the Kiffins and smugly touting it as a "new model" for college sports. Yep, you're an innovator, Mike.
2. Taking no accountability for one of the most disastrous coaching hires in our lifetimes.
3. Attempting to lock in Kiffin's eight early enrollees into their commitments to UT.
Just a dick.

Brett Lacy said...

Bob Davie/Pam Ward/ any WWL announcing team

Anyone involved in the Playoff PAC

Chris Peterson (who must have about 30 mistresses in Boise, why else would he refuse to leave)

Paul Johnson- for suggesting nerds try to start fights not in cyber space

Kenny Chesney- for that awful Gameday song

Josh M. said...

I'd say Stewart Mandel, but you can't be too hard on a guy with Down's Syndrome.

Additions to those pictured/listed above: James Delany, Adam James, Bill Hancock, Colin Cowherd, Ari Fleischer

Josh M. said...

Oh, duh, Dave Matthews. (And I'll go ahead and second, third and fourth Paul Johnson).

Ollllddude said...

Thom Brennaman (sp?) has to be there; he might even deserve a lifetime award. I can't believe no one has said Bobby Petrino, although I guess Rich Rodriguez/Lane Kiffin are just other manifestations. Perhaps a mythical figure (Greedy Self Serving Evil Coach - I don't know enough mythology to use a name) would be the best ultimate category.

Jerry Hinnen said...

First of all: YES YES YES YES. Totally stoked we're getting an update on this, Doug.

Second: Paw Ward. It takes a special kind of broadcaster to not only suck like the cold deep vacuum of outer space, but to actively poison football fans against the already tricky-to-sell concept of a female football announcer. Ward not only ruins the games she calls, she potentially ruins the opportunities for future women broadcasters ... thereby ruining games that HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN PLAYED YET. (Yes, I've thought about this.)

Third: why, exactly, is RichRod loathsome? Dude turned down Alabama to stay at West Virginia, only left for Michigan when it was clear his admin had no intention of fulfilling their promises and were the kind of idiots who ... well, would hire Bill Stewart. All these supposed controversies at UM under his watch are mostly the work of a dying newspaper (the Detroit Free-Press) grinding an ax in the desperate hope for attention. No, he hasn't done a particularly good job at UM, but being semi-incompetent is not the same as being loathsome.

Will Q said...

No suggestions that have already been given, but that picture of Jimm-ay just screams "CHAMPION!"

Billy Merck said...

Third Pam Ward.

In lieu of the playoff pac people, I would go the other way and nominate anyone officially responsible for this BCS nonsense continuing and the lack of a playoff. NCAA people, conference commissioners, bowl committee members, whoever you think is most responsible.

Andrew said...

Musberger on general principles.

Ally said...

There's gotta be a special super douche award for Marc Curles.

dan9124 said...

Mitch Mustain & Co.

Does Charlie Weis still count?

Lou Holtz. Mark May.

Murph said...

Lou Holtz & Brent Musberger: Sorry, but there is a time to bow out gracefully.

Nick Saban: The gatorade dance.

Les Miles: For all the LSU fans who could call a game better

Phil Fulmer, Nick Saban (again), Lou Holtz (again), Ed Orgeron, and the rest of the college coaches making an appearance on "The Blind Side" - They put the movie to a screeching halt.

dave clark said...

Marc Curles, Penn Wagers, Marc Curles, Penn Wagers, Marc Curles.

KC said...

-Marc Curles/Penn Wagers or anyone involved in SEC officiating

- Lane Kiffin for obvious reasons.

-Urban Meyer. Deciding to stick with coaching after your daughter makes it known how happy she is that you're retiring isn't exactly the best way to win father of the year.

-Nick Saban for winning the NC and never once cracking a smile or anything that remotely resembled one.

-Paul Johnson for being one of the most arrogant douchebags to ever troll the sidelines in Atlanta.

-Mark Bradely, Jeff Schultz and the rest of the clowns at the AJC. Let me get this straight. Paul Johnson says he has no timeline for finding a DC and just wants to find the right guy, and y'all say he's brilliant. Mark Richt says the exact same thing, and he's hurting the perception of the program. Bravo gentlemen.

-Kirby Smart. Am I bitter? Hell yes I am! You don't string along your alma mater in order to get a raise from your current employer. That's just low no matter who you are.

Jen said...

Oh hell yes - PENN WAGERS!

runningbyrd said...

Mike Patrick,

"So what's up with britney spears?"

Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis,

for continuing to talk about what a family hawaii had, and how great it was that they had taken all of these players out of penal leagues, even when GA was destroying them on the field. How about a little praise for the players who managed NOT to be in jail, fellas.

Ivory Tower said...

Joe Barton - Congressman from Texas leading the BCS harumph-harumph.

Gregg Doyel - Ten times more obnoxious than Stewart Mandel.

+1 for Mark May; but I'll defend Lou Holtz. Do you loathe clowns? Do you loathe lolcats? Then how can you loathe Holtz just for being silly?

Mike Slive and his draconian cyber backwardness.

Jimmy Sexton. Pulling them strings. Making up Houston Nutt to Kansas stories. Getting Gene Chizik hired at Auburn.

John said...

Verne Lundquist. Explanation not needed lest I mispronounce a word or keep repeating the same non-football statement over and over and over and over.....

Nikki said...

To categorize

1. Obvious candidates

- Ed Ogeron
- Kiffykins
- Brian Kelly? I don't agree that he should be hated, but I get it...
- Pete Carroll - for leaving in the middle of sanctions and dropping twitter updates
- Urban Meyer - for obvious reasons

2. Just dicks
- Mark May - because VaTech is not in fact going to be in the title game
- Tressel - because I love Michigan

3. Lame
- Bob Stoops - because OU is lame
- Chizik - for getting overhired for a position for which he was underqualified

Also, what's with all the RichRod hate?

David said...

You gotta check out ESPN and today... Yata with the game winning 3 over LeBronze & Co, at the buzzer! What a moment.

Statesboro Dawg said...

All the fair weather Dawg fans who bitch that CMR does not have the "killer instinct" or is not sufficiently competitive to compete at the top level of the SEC. Loathsome. The past nine years are the best nine years of my life to be a Dawg fan. The next nine will be better with CMR at the helm. Feels good to get that off my chest

AuditDawg said...

1. Orrin Hatch/Joe Barton - Congress screws everything else up so keep your damn dirty hands off my beloved college football.

2. I can't believe no one else said this, but Tim Tebow. Look at me! Look at me! I'm flapping my arms up in the air because I just fell forward for 3 yards!

3. Directly correlated to #2, the knob-slobbing media over Tim Tebow. His faith and circumcising abilities were interesting to me the first million times I heard stories reported about them. The next twelve million stories about them weren't so interesting. Never have I seen another player so deified by the media in my lifetime.

4. +1 to Statesboro Dawg. I've been a Dawg fan since birth and I completely remember how much the years of 1990-2000 were complete suckitude in Athens. Mark Richt is the best thing that's happened to this program since #34 was roaming the sidelines and some people need to get a clue.

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K dog said...

Chizik underqualified?? Hardly. He's about to have a Top 5 recruiting class in his first full recruiting year. War Eagle!

1. Totally agree with Musberger.
2. All of the Clausen boys
3. Definitely Tim Tebow - go cry to your mama; and God does not care who wins a college football game
4. Corso - it is SO predictable who he is going to pick and what mascot head he's going to wear
5. The Big 10, which is really the Big 11, and their commissioner who thinks they are still the dominant conference in College Football

Russ said...

Okay, stream of conciousness here...

- Urban Meyer for dad of the year
- Tim Tebow for bawling like a girl for losing. Crying doesn't make you less of a man, Timmy. But it does make you more of a woman.
- Thom Brennaman (and the rest of the Tebow-slobberers)
- Pam Ward. I can only hope we never fall so far as to have her broadcast our game.
- Kiffin, Meyer, Johnson for all being arrogant dicks. At least Saban makes no bones about it. He's an ass, and doesn't have time for this shit.
- All the "hatin'" Dawg fans that think we're terrible, when in fact Richt has been the best coach we've had, including Dooley. Many more good times are ahead, gang!

Ehhh...that's about all I can think of for now.

Johnny Ringo said...

On the broadcasting side- I'd love to see Musberger, Patrick, and Herbie added to the no-brainers of May & Holtz.

Houston Nutt? Definitely.

And you might be able to make room for one of the guys fired for alleged "abuse"--Leach, Mangino, Leavitt.

Since his appearance on a list from this blog is a fait accompli, I'll throw in Paul Johnson.

Josh M. said...

How about Father Clausen, for infecting the world with douchiness multiple times?

Cousin Pat from Georgia said...

anyone who by word or deed has been a blot on the landscape of college football.

Anonymous blog comment and message board authors. Especially those @$$clowns that post on; and the folks who hacked Hale, PWD, & GTP's threads.

Loathesome is too kind a word.

Josh said...

What's with all the playoff hate? Bowl games are lame and contradict everything about competition. Bowl games are the reason that college football is about ratings, media-perception and corporate America and NOT about student-athletes competing against each other.

Books said...

I would like to throw Clay Travis on this list. He's the TMZ of college football.

Bob Davie should be on there. I hope the Dawgs are good next year only so I don't have to hear him anymore.

I know the AJC guys suck (oops...i mean loathsome), but surely there must be other terrible newspaper reporters around the country?