Last Christmas, I gave you my, uh . . . heart,the very next day, you took it away.

Don't even ask how I stumbled upon this:

More than 130,000 inflatable breasts have been lost at sea en route to Australia.

Men's magazine Ralph was planning to include the boobs as a free gift with its January issue.

The cargo is worth about $200,000, which is another blow for publisher ACP's parent company PBL, which is already in $4.3 billion of debt.

Here's Ralph magazine's Web site, which reveals the mag to be something kind of like Maxim without the redeeming social value [/sarcasm]. Really, it's not so much the Australian version of Maxim as it is the Consumer Reports of boobs. Not that there's not a place for that in the world. OK, more:

Ralph editor Santi Pintado urged anyone who has any information to contact the magazine.

"Unless Somali pirates have stolen them its difficult to explain where they are,'' Pintado said.

"If anyone finds any washed up on a beach, please let us know.''

Dear Santa, I know I've asked for a few things this Christmas, some of them perhaps bordering on the extravagant, but I'll forget all of it if you can just give me one thing: Make sure there's a photographer present to capture tourists' reactions at whichever beach 130,000 inflatable novelty tits wash up on.

I have been a very good boy this year.

Love,
Doug