I know, I'm an asshole, but you have to understand, this is a holy day for people like me.

OK, I have to cut this off right now, because the Ukraine thing? April fool. I know, I know, I suck. But I really felt compelled to observe this holiday somehow, and besides, it wasn't like I wasn't already using this blog to be a total dick on a widespread scale . . .

So no Peace Corps, no Ukraine, I'm staying here in Birmingham, everything is as it was. Move along, nothing to see here, and I apologize. We now return you to your regularly scheduled asshattery, already in progress.